Going dark just for short periods seems to have a positive effect here. I went dark from Jan 31-Feb 6 and WAW initiated our first phone conversation since the separation, discussing her desire for C, Joint Custody, working together, etc. Of course P.I. busted her with OM the same night, and my counter-filing for divorce drove her into anger on Feb 10. Since then we have been sniping at each other legally, and have had a few short tense conversations.
I went dark again Feb 23. Each evening I only send a single text msg "How's D(1)?" and I get a response. The first day it was "fine" the second day was more. Each day this week she gets more 'talkative' via txt, of course I never respond. This morning she initiated txt (she hasn't in a while) to ask me to pay half of a doctor bill. This evening when I sent my "How's D(1)?" txt, she responded with a long text message with a smiley face.
So apparently me "going dark" as part of my LRT has the effect of making her miss talking with me, or miss having at least a 'friendship' with me.
Read my thread though, and you'll understand why a friendship is the last thing on my mind right now. As much as it pains me, I may see if she'll initiate contact on letting me see D(1) this weekend instead of asking like I normally do. She'll still be seeing OM, but I get to see D(1) so it is a win/win. I'm just trying to avoid her as much as possible so she'll calm down a bit from the false allegations.
During our initial separation, everything I said was twisted/turned into something else. "Hey, mind if I keep D(1) for the weekend?" She'd tell me "sure!" to my face, then email mutual friends "She doesn't even know him! She's going to be scared! He's going to steal her!"
So... going dark seems to be the only 180 I've used that has had any positive effect whatsoever on the situation. And it *is* baby steps. A few extra words in a txt message each afternoon. A little smiley face 4 days in. She's a very 'needy' person, and OM is fulfilling whatever need right now - but she seems to be looking to me for something else... probably just familiarity.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
