Well, it's just a dream about better times GB. I guess, I miss that kind of R and sometimes dream about it. It hurts but it serves to remind me I'm human and somewhere, sometime I will be able to reach out again to someone but that time sure isn't now! Tonight I had to do one of my subtle crisis interventions on the homefront. STBX went off on one of her little tantrums on D15 and has been refusing to talk to the kid all week. This usually means STBX is stressed out or sick or both! What I notice is that when I'm there somehow she's able to let go of her anger and actually reach out to her D. It's almost like she's afraid to put down the armour unless she knows I'm there, it's somehow reassuring to her. So today, I called her and volunteered to take D11 to an appointment instead of her. She gets off work a lot later than I so I thought that might help to lessen her edge somewhat. On the way to the house I stopped at a restaurant and bought dinner for the four of us. I had D11 phone her mom and tell her that there was a meal waiting at home and she wouldn't have to cook. We all ate dinner together and for the first half STBX was not acknowledging D14 but then began to interact. Finally she brought up the issue between her and D and said "I know sometimes I go overboard, it's because I worry about you. I love you so much that I want the best for you. Sometimes I get carried away...." So the issue was discussed and we had a nice dinner. In a way it saddens me because the girls were just so excited to have Dad there for dinner and I can't do anything to bring what was back. Anyway, I think my ability to lighten up the mood always allows STBX to work through her mood and try to fix things. Usually, I try to stay out of their beefs but there are times when I feel I need to intervene. It's subtle but seems to work. During dinner I also asked STBX if she would attend the Easter service at my church, I'm singing in the choir. She agreed to come with the girls. That makes me so emotional, the thought of having my whole family with me at church just gets me teary. STBX hasn't stepped in a church in probably 15 years, I hope something inside her gets touched, not in the hopes of getting her back but in the hopes that she finds her faith again and becomes a happier, healthier person. But I guess that's just one more dream, we'll see.
