I had a mixed day. I have been crying a lot. Having some laughs at work with co workers and making the boss wonder. H sounded angry when he gave me the check for the insurance today saying, this is all we have to keep us together right now. That was hard to hear but I was able to immediately it, to: he is angry that he does have things the way he wants them, feels lost and lonely, but distant ( he literally stood as far away as possible from me when handing it to me - he usually just walks right into my office but this time he stayed outside) anyway, i didn't hold onto what he said - I let it go as his stuff, certainly not reflective of what I think. I think there is much more holding us together than a car insurance policy. Just for a few minutes here and there during the day reminded myself that things go either way and I needed to be prepared to let go.
H called a few minutes ago, sounded important so I called back. He actually called and left messages on both phones. Called back and he told me that something happened with one of the priests at his church - broke his anonymity and he was very upset and feeling betrayed. This is a core issue for him - he feels that everyone he has trusted in his life has betrayed him, including me. So I wondered why he was calling me - he mentioned he didn't know either, but he reassured me that he wasn't drinking nor thinking about it - or he would have called his sponsor. He is thinking about quitting the church but for once recalled that he is always quitting things and wasn't sure what to do. I listened and validated his feelings - was surprised that he did not focus any further on what I did but on others in his life. I did suggest that he wait 24 hours, talk at his meeting tomorrow morning and his therapist at night and one of the other priests before making any decisions. He thought that was all good advice, felt awkward for calling me and we said good byes. I guess it is to be continued.
{{Ready2change}}, I need to think about what you asked before replying. I have been very low since posting two days ago and just trying to take it easy on myself.
{{JCJ}}, Same thoughts to your posts. Still thinking.
{{T,S and S}}, Thanks for posting, will get back to you later.
