My H really resisted the idea he was having an MLC, although after several years he began to wonder if that's what it was. Part of the reason, in my opinion, was that for the longest time he wanted to believe his "woe is me" feelings were unique. As he started seeing what he'd done, however, it was a relief to know he wasn't alone....
Your stories about the wanna-be extrovert are pretty funny. H, know thyself indeed!
Yes, they always have to say they're uber-happy, but don't believe it for a second! And if you should ever happen to bump into him, remember to exude such an air of contentment with your life that he's forced to rethink that "she drags me down" brainwashing he's no doubt saturated himself in. Plus I see he managed to combine the passive-aggressive "you never loved me" with the mandatory "I never loved you" in a winning combo to punish you for noticing his living situation--full marks for him!
I still feel really bad about how the MLC affected our oldest. He was 7 when his grandma died and the MLC began. He'd always been an unusually sensitive child, but also very talkative and impulsive. For several years, my H was very hard on him, very critical. My S always overreacts to criticism by being very hard on himself, so he really felt as though he were "stupid," "couldn't do anything right," etc. When he expressed this, I'd try to explain his dad was stressed and taking it out on him. Sometimes I'd try to stop my H, but that just made him lash out at me as well for doing a rotten job of bringing the kids up.
For a period of about 2 years, during Replay, my H was away "for work" all week, and when he came home he'd lay on the sofa (the central area in our small home) trying to sleep, for hours. I tried to keep the kids quiet, or downstairs, but it was never quiet enough, and then he'd be very disagreeable about how inconsiderate we all were. After that came news of the OW, and I was in tears a lot, and my H having all sorts of angry outbursts, and my S kept asking whether we were getting a divorce. Now we set a very good example of discussing instead of arguing, of parenting together, of hugging & kissing in front of the kids lots, and I hope that makes up for a lot of the past. I just worry that H's negative judgemental voice has been embedded in my S's head, as my H's mom's voice was embedded in H....
My D was only 1 when the MLC began. She's very quiet, and a really Daddy's girl. She managed to charm H into playing with her through much of those years when he just wanted to run away from all of us. There were times when H was cycling when he'd sit down to play and be totally unable to do it, though--and the alien look in his eyes was horrible. I'm not so worried about D, but I wonder if it made her a bit more of a manipulator, trying to force H to pay attention to her?
I was wondering about your mom. Is she still alive? How did she cope with your father's drinking? Are/were you close to her?
