Is love a decision?

[DCBHM]

I think that "in love" feeling is more than lust than anything else. It is all pure emotion. Sticking it out, even through the tough times, takes a conscious decision to love your spouse, no matter what.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

I told my W that I loved her unconditionally. I meant it. Even though she has been doing what she has been doing, I'm still having to work hard to consciously "choose" to shut those feelings off. Now, nearly 2 full months post-bomb, I'm still "in love" but I've told myself I'm in love with who my W was before the A. Gradually, I'm going to begin shutting down - because the betrayal, loss of trust, and hurt from her continuing actions is going to do more harm to any chance for reconciliation.

Eventually, when she realizes and attempts to initiate even a friendship, it might be too late. I recognize that... if she had come back within 2-4 weeks, I'd have accepted her with open arms... and we'd be right back in the same situation. Now, knowing what I know, and given what she is doing - I wouldn't accept her back unconditionally.

She will have to work to earn that trust, block by block, through months, or even a year plus of hard effort. But I'm talking about someone who has such low self-esteem she couldn't be bothered to talk to me about problems she was having. I don't hold out too much hope that she'll accept responsibility, show true remorse, and come back to the M.

So I'm choosing to let go. My feelings will fade, and eventually I'm going to choose to protect myself rather than open up to her again. I'm sure I'll always love her in a sense, but I can make the choice not to give her control in my life.

This was true love on my part... and I'm sure she loved me as well at one point. Maybe if it was true love she will begin to see her mistakes as the shine wears off the A. Or not. It is like watching a slow-motion train wreck. The train is too big for me to stop, but I know exactly what is coming.