Profound words Lodo, and Still Hoping, I completely empathize with your situation. I only did the DB'ing for 3 months and I probably got it wrong. These were also the longest 3 months of my life. 3 years is commendable and my heart goes out to you. This couldn't have been easy for you.
Even though DB'ing didn't immediately salvage my marriage, it has a direct role in the situation I'm in today. Albeit, this is no enviable situation, it's a hell of a lot better than where I was a year ago when I started this process.
Db'ing encouraged me to suck it up and get a life, or in my case, change my life. XW and I are young and we spent too much time out socializing with our friends and not connecting with eachother. Our socializing wasn't healthy either. We'd meet up at the bar or a houseparty, as opposed to something more mature and conducive to supporting a committed realtionship.
I decided it was time to change my life and find more fulfilling hobbies. That's how I met my new GF, we were in a salsa dancing class together. I admit that I met her only 3 months after the separation, so it was way to soon to be getting involved, but I was being a doormat to my XW and she took full advantage of that. Enough was enough, and I decided I'd go on some dates with this new girl, besides she's a hot doctor
While Db'ing I realized I wasn't romantic enough, so I made a long list of things that I'd do with XW if we ever got back together. These were good ideas IMO. Not to let these go to waste, I did them with my new GF instead. Couple these romantic dates with a fun new set of hobbies, as well as a new inner-confidence I got from DB'ing and it was recipe for sweeping her off her feet. That's where we're at now.
XW has seen all this unfold in front of her (via Facebook) and confessed she never thought I was capable of being romantic like that. She told me I turned into the H she always wanted and that she wants me back. She broke up with her BF (she says she did it to get back together with me) and for the last 4 months has been showing me the side of her I fell in love with. I have to admit that resisting the temtation to go back to her was rough. I finally caved a couple weeks ago, but her behavior changed once she felt she had me.
Now I'm off in my confused little world. XW's behavior turned me off to the idea of rekindling anything. GF has been understanding, but also backed off.
I guess I'm getting the time to myself that I need to figure things out.
I planned a tropical getaway with GF last week, and that's brought her closer and strangely XW too. At first XW was upset (understandable) but now we've got this uncensored open line of communication going where all the feelings that we never talked about are getting laid out in a constructive way devoid of anger. Talking to XW now is almost like counseling because we're discussing our true feelings openly and honestly with eachother... Now I feel like I'm going right back to where I was a couple weeks ago. Do I go back to XW or keep the friendship and pursue this amazing thing I have going with GF?
