So true Jeff...............and I really have done it ALL on my own for quite some time----even before MLC, because I felt it was my job as a stay at home mom to take care of EVERYTHING that wasn't his job, so I'm pretty used to it by now.............AND Treese........we have no other choice----we have to push through, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second......................
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I just got a text from H asking if I wanted to ride with him on Saturday for my daughter's engagement....I was floored...I didn't even know he was invited....
I texted him back and said I didn't know he was going? He said he just decided, that D23's boyfriend told him about it and told him that D23 would want him there....WTF? I have a hard time believing that seeing how my D didn't even want to see him at Christmas....my stomach dropped, I started to cry...
I was planning on bringing a male friend with me and to be my euchre partner but now I can't...I don't want to make a situation awkward for my kids....my D16 wants me to tell H not to go but I can't do that...it's not about us, it's D23's day...
I texted male friend and told him he couldn't go now and I feel terrible...I have not heard back from him....why when I'm finally turning a corner does H always pop up...he hasn't talked to me for a week...
My D16 told me that she texted H a month ago and told him what she thought and he never responded to her....now that made me mad...how immature...
Anyway,,,advice please..
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
First, we don't know exactly what D23 wants, but since her BF invited H, you'll have to go with it.
I don't think I'd ride with him. It could well be that you don't want to be tied to his schedule for returning, if nothing else.
As far as the friend you had invited, I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you had to uninvite him. Make sure he knows that the day is for D and her BF, and you don't want to cause any drama. He'll be ok with that, I think.
Treese, Never, ever wish that you could get inside of his head. It's not a pleasant place to be at this time. I learned that lesson from observing a friend of mine going through his own private little hell.
Did you learn all of this from MLC books? If so..which ones? Thanks for any help and input.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
2, No, I didn't learn all of this from MLC Books. My knowledge comes from a variety of sources including my own personal experience, not once, but twice w/people going through mlc. I created a thread many years ago...2001/2002 called Highly Recommended Reading Materials. I would suggest you check out the MLC Archives and you should find it there, along with some really great threads from others.
Knowlege is power and you should not limit your reading to MLC. Depression is the most powerful driver behind MLC.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2, No, I didn't learn all of this from MLC Books. My knowledge comes from a variety of sources including my own personal experience, not once, but twice w/people going through mlc. I created a thread many years ago...2001/2002 called Highly Recommended Reading Materials. I would suggest you check out the MLC Archives and you should find it there, along with some really great threads from others.
Knowlege is power and you should not limit your reading to MLC. Depression is the most powerful driver behind MLC.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, of course I am no expert, but I would be asking myself: 1. Do I want to ride with him? 2. Does he expect me to ride with him? and 3. Does D want him there? Does boyfriend know how D feels, and truly believes she would want him there? I guess as for 3, the invitation has been made...but on 1 and 2. I don't know how long the ride is, but I'm guessing it would be very awkward at this point. As for 2, I would guess that he does expect you to bend over backwards so that you can ride together, and he needs to stop expecting that of you! It just might get his attention and make him notice how independent you are becoming........I say you show up on your own (well with your son), looking FABULOUS and shock the heck out of him!! Make it a celebration for your daughter and your independence.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
After alot of anxiety yesterday and talking to D16 whose BF said he didn't want to go if he was in H's car cause he would feel very awkward...I decided last night I would drive me and D16 to See the engagemant...it is about my D22, its her day, so rather than be on eggshells and D16 feeling awkward....I will drive....here's what happened this morning...wow...
H texted me early, a very long text about how he didn't know I was planning on playing in the euchre tournament, and with his leg he didn't want to move around much...had only planned on going up to see the proposal, stay for a little while and leave...said he texted D22 BF and he said that D22 knows he is still her father and that she would want him there....I don't feel comfortable with that but she may b telling BF something different....so fine....H should get to see it as he would regret not....H did say that he didn't want to go up if D22 didn't want him there....I just hope that D22 is okay with all of it....
Anyhow.....I picked up the phone and called H....I know but that text was ridiculous....I said, "wouldn't it have been easier to just call me"...WHY IN THE WORLD CAN'T HE JUST TALK TO ME! Geez !!!! I was very calm and said, "I texted you yesterday and said I didn't know how much you knew so I was trying to tell you the events....then I explained what was going to happen...told him I didn't tell him 5 weeks ago because it wasn't my place to invite him....if D22's Bf wanted to that was up to them.... I told him I was going to go ahead and drive me, D16 and her boyfriend...he said, "ok"....he asked if it was because D16 didn't want to be in the car with him...so I told him YES! and then I explained why.....I had to....it was time...this is what I said...I told him that D16 texted him a month ago and has not heard from him....then he said she was bashing him and he didn't want to get into a texting war with her....I said, "you have to understand her right now, she is hurt",,he said, "i want to talk to her on the phone but she won't talk to me"..I said, you have to give her time... Then I said.."you have to be there in the GOOD times & the BAD..you can't pick just the good. That we feel hurt and that he had no idea what goes on in the house...that I'm trying to keep everything together...
He said, "I know Treese"..I'm working alot too!...but does he, really know?
Anyway, I told him I always encourage the girls to talk to him...that no matter what he is there father...I told H I have ALWAYS been in his corner....
I told him he can't just play the 12 year old game and say he's not texting D cause she doesnt want to text him. That maybe he could just text her and tell her he was just thinking about her one day...
So, all in all it was an ok conversation...just matter of fact and no crying....
I told him I would catch up with him later about what time we're leaving for D22's. hung up..
10 minutes later D16 is in the office telling me she got a text from her dad....it said this..."saw your picture from the dance, you look beautiful, I miss you, and I love you always"Dad.
I just looked at her and smiled....
So, that's it....maybe everything I said wasn't right, maybe I backslid, but something touched his heart for him to text her....
Last edited by Treese; 02/27/0905:09 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I don' think you backslid at all (IMO). I think you stood up for yourself, and your kids. The call was necessary---because the electronic cr** sometimes just makes things worse. It is impersonal and with no emotion it is very often not received in the spirit it was sent. Since the relationship beteween H and I has been pretty much only electronic (Per H's choice) I know this is true.
Have a great time! I hope your D has the best day of her life!! ............and...........what is an euchere tournament??
On another note, my D15 has been waiting for her boyfriend to ask her to prom. Is hoping for a romantic invitation-----since he has to live up to his invitation to courtwarming. We were sitting at D12's bb game last night and she showed me her hairy legs. I said jeez..........maybe if you shave your legs, you'll get invited to the prom. So.........I shipped her boyfriend a text and asked if he would ask her to the prom if she shaved her legs.(D thought that would be really funny) He answered back that he would consider it.......and then asked if he could ask me a question. I said maybe............he asked me to talk to D because she was very upset about what is going on with her mom and dad......ughhh.............I thanked him for his concern, told him I was always very open, and there wasn't really much to say-----but I did talk to her briefly on the way home. Boyfriend is a really good kid, but I watch them and see them following H and my footsteps, and I worry..........
Have a great trip!!
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
