Sorry to see things took a turn for the worse for you.
As to your question, semi-WAS is exactly what I'm up against. The original plan last spring was to push all of my buttons at once, I would predictably explode and leave, file for a divorce, do all the work, etc., no fuss, no muss.
When this all started with us, she surely felt a lot of pressure to work on things, especially from me. So we decided to continue to live together for 9 more months and see what would happen. We've reached a friend stage, but no more. When our lease is up at the end of May, I expect her to move out, sighting the need for space to work things out in her head. Once gone, I think she'll say it's over and she won't be back, but I'm betting she still won't file for a divorce.
Unfortunately, I see my choices as staying married to a woman that has left me and is on her own doing whatever it is she does, or file for a divorce myself. I don't get the sense she has any interest in remarrying or any remorse about living in the first situation. And I think if I file for a divorce to move on with my life, she can easily rationalize that it was me who left her, since I was the one who filed.
I've been using a DB coach, have seen some positive things in the last few months, and I haven't given up on miracles yet, but I still get the sense that it'll be over soon.
I'm feeling pretty detached from her and I think if she does leave, I'm already past the lions share of the pain, but I'm sure there will be a fresh wave to deal with.
Nowadays, I'm just concentrating on me, my children and all the great things in my life, and I'll cross the next bridge, whichever way she chooses in a few months.
