I appreciate that advice. My concern for my W is gradually decreasing as her problems are something I have no control over. She has the A, I'm sure depression is a cause (her father died right after she had our D(1), she has a history of depression where she had a friend commit suicide and she responded by cutting her own wrists, she went through therapy and came out better - but now she refuses to even consider any.
I've read through the DR book... I'm following the GAL/LRT stuff because this has been happening so fast, and ultimately whatever happens my children are going to be my primary focus. I don't need her in my life to be happy. Happiness is something we make for ourselves. I just feel like she is throwing her life away because she dealt with things the wrong way.
I won't be surprised after the D is final (if we get that far) that she doesn't like her new reality and wants to come back. By that point, she may have done too much damage - she had built up enough trust to where I was prepared to allow her to adopt my sons from the prior marriage. I had her listed as beneficiary on everything, trusted that she'd raise them if something happened to me - and she never gave me any reason to suspect anything different until around August 2008 to the present.
As long as I focus on being a great person, and a great father, and make my children my number one priority - things will work out fine. Whether she wants to come along for the ride isn't my concern right now... I just want to work out something agreeable and get things over with if that is what she wants.
It almost seems like what she 'really' wants is to air out my dirty laundry so 'everybody knows' that it is my fault. Actually getting divorced is less important to her than the way she handles the process out of spite/vindictiveness. Meanwhile, she *chose* the D, she *chose* not to work on the M, she *chose* not to attend C, she *chose* to have an A. Personal responsibility is something she needs to learn out of this.
I've given myself until Feb 28 to worry about her and what she is doing. Then I'm going to focus on myself completely. I do better at setting timetables for myself. Quit emailing/communicating with her on January 31 except about the baby.
I just don't understand why she feels the need to go crazy. I've never done anything to her that would engender this sort of response. Just "stole 5 years of her life" as she'd put it now... I wasn't exactly holding a gun to her head.
We dated for two years while I was a single father of 2. She couldn't wait to get married. I waited a year after being married before I was willing to consider a baby, she clamored for one from day one. After actually having the baby, her chosen life wasn't that appealing any longer.
So she spent the latter half of 2008 developing her budding relationships around the neighborhood, and her EA/PA with the neighbor. Then when she had a problem with something I did - she ran to each house in the neighborhood to tell "her side" of the story.
For instance: Me: "We need to talk. There is a rumor going around the neighborhood you've been sleeping with OM. Maybe you should spend less time there, or only go there when other people are there?"
Her: "..." - runs off to all our neighbor's houses: "H said that I can never leave the house and he just wants me to cook and clean and change diapers and I can never leave."
Meanwhile... I hear what she said third-hand. So I figure she has been killing our M since she had the baby, and now feels the need to blame it on me.
Legally? Going to let everything play out, do what I can, and walk out with the best I can. I'll keep updating.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
