To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[ddstartingover]

I decided to start a new thread today. I feel like I'm losing the fight. I finally gave in and bought 3 DB coaching sessions. I HAVE to know that I've tried everything to keep my family together. I had my first one yesterday. I must say, she did make me feel better - Thank you, Joanne!!

So, she told me I should believe that my H has been abducted by aliens. I told her that wasn't hard to believe - that he doesn't even look like my H anymore (with the facial hair and lack of a haircut - for 6+ months). When I look in his eyes, I see only emptiness. I know he's messed up. I know he's hurting, and I know he has no idea what he has done or is doing.

I am resolved to stand by my marriage. I truly believe that my family deserves that. My kids will always come first, and I truly believe that if my H can snap out of it, it is the best thing for them. I also still love him with all of my heart----well, I love the person he used to be, before the abduction, and know I can love him if he can return. I do wonder about trust, though............

I know now that I don't NEED him. I can survive without him. I didn't used to think that. I still think that NONE of this makes sense. It is all so unfair to me and to our kids, and family-----but there's nothing I can do about it. If in the end he chooses OW over me, then it's his loss. She will get a man that used to be a GREAT man----deep down to his soul. He was great until she chose to pursue him, a married man, and he strayed. She chose to pursue a married man after she herself lost her husband to an affair. Why or how anyone can do this----I will never understand.

I have made progress on me. I am GALing. I am moving forward as if he will never return from the mother ship. However, the pain is still very intense. It gets to me at times, and I need to start predicting when it is going to happen so I can find a better way to deal with the emotion.

I vow to remain at NO CONTACT this time. Any contact will be brief, about the kids, and upbeat. My DB coach also recommmended that I live as if I were dating----which will be very hard for me since I have been with H since I was 15 and I have no idea what that is............but the looking good, smelling good advice is easy to follow. The next tip was to find a way to shock him. A new haircut, color, tattoo????? Well, I've done the hair thing, and might try something new when I go in for a haircut next week. The tattoo??? Don't know if I'm ready for that. I would welcome other ideas that might be considered a way to get his attention, though.............