Expose the Affair?

[DCBHM]

I'm backing off the idea myself. At least in terms of outside the legal situation. I'm beginning to distance myself emotionally, and the pain of the betrayal, loss of trust, and loss of respect in my WAW is starting to come. I still hold faith in my marriage, and I'm wearing my wedding band off and on... but I'm sometimes confused as to why I choose to.

I'm going to focus on myself and my children, my WAW is engaged in a campaign of building support through telling lies about me, which would be fine if she also wasn't trying to push it into a courtroom setting pretending I'm abusive.

The fact she is doing so because of an A is relevant to me, but might not be relevant to everyone. Some mutual friends I've told (who were her friends first) jumped to my side, and some jumped to her side and made excuses for her.

In the end, their support isn't going to matter in our M. And as long as she continues her A, there isn't much I can do outside of working on myself, taking care of my children, and making positive changes that someone will benefit from - even if it isn't her.

Knowing about the A myself has helped tremendously, because I'm sure many a WAW dump all their problems on the LBS as if everything is their fault, and leave confusion in their wake. If I hadn't been through this before, I'd probably have wallowed around in self-pity.

Even though I saw OM/W together one night, saw him sneaking out the back of my house, when I confronted her and she told me that I was imagining things - I accepted that. Because I trusted her, because I loved her.

Friends/Family have the same blinders on. Everyone makes the argument that W isn't "the type" to have an A. There isn't a type. Nobody goes into a M planning on it. It happens, for whatever reason. There is no justification - but it is reality.

Many of us who are LBS (maybe not most of the men) are still willing to do whatever we can to save the M - but by the time WAS leaves, they are already set in what they want to do.

Our life? House, jobs, cars, 3 kids, and building a family.
What is she leaving for? Deadbeat OM who lives with his parents, used to deal drugs, is an alcoholic, has no money, and isn't interested in kids.

I can't explain why W would choose that... her goals in life were to have kids and start a family and be a mother and W. The reality of that situation hit her after she had our D(1), and now she's been running to the fantasy that escapes the life she chose. The OM who represents no responsibility, fun, and basically "freedom" from the shackles of responsibility.

Meanwhile... life continues for me. Shaken, but not broken. I continue day to day providing for my children, cleaning, cooking, preparing a home. WAW is intent on dragging me down with her, but I don't understand why. I told her I didn't care if she was having an A, I still wanted us to work together for D(1). She can't accept that... she needs it to be my fault... she needs me to be abusive... she needs me to not change. She even told me when she left "I don't want you to change." I told her I would make whatever changes I wanted to for myself. Ultimately my children will benefit, because even if I'm not cut out to be an H right now, I can be a good father. These are the things I can control.

I can't control what she does. Exposing it might end it, might not. Some people will run to her side no matter what, because she can justify it by saying I was abusive. I wasn't. But she's always been someone people trusted, someone people counted on.

So... thinking it through, I just want to focus on me, my S(7/8), and my D(1). I'll be fine. I deserve better than she has given us, my children deserve better. I'm not going to kiss her b*tt to get her to come back. If she wants to come back, she can approach me, but I'm going to make a determination based on what is best for our kids.

She's burned the trust, the respect, and the goodwill that she literally spent years working on - all through a selfish act of immaturity. An A isn't innocent. But it isn't my place to judge her outside of the boundaries I want to establish...

I just wrote a book, and it is probably off-topic, but I'd appreciate any comments.