Divorce-busting is simple: the affair is a symptom of a strained marriage. Work on the marriage. It's between the two of you. Don't involve other people. Don't chase, don't panic, don't expose the affair. Work on yourself, make yourself the most attractive, well-grounded, stong, healthy and winesome person possible. Chances are you might get your spouse's attention and they might want to return to the marriage. Exposure seems to betray fearful, weak, and angry emotions, and that is unattractive.
Well that isn't an easy task. That's why, I think, even on these DB boards, most of the attempts to save the marriage fail.
The LBS, when there is an EA/PA, is often shattered. If you read the last few posts, Hoosier's life has been gutted and destroyed. Like many of us, she may be stuggling with anxiety, depression, lonliness, a sense of abandonment, deep feelings of rejection, inadequacy and low-self image. Her community has, almost overnight, evaporated.
It's a very tall order to tell someone, more or less, to single-handedly address this issue. Yes, as Americans, we all, to some degree believe in rugged individualism, and a rags-to-riches, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps abilitiy in each one of one to completely transform ourselves.
It's real hard.
I think exposre is often a cry for help from the larger community. It's a hopeful, but often ineffective attempt to inject accountability and meaning into this situation.
