*hugs* I apologize upfront for being a 'fixer'... toss, take or leave behind whatever you want.
I have no ego when it comes to my children. The lawyer told me I had to take a mandated parenting class, I was the first in line with pen and paper.
Be aware of your fears.. many times your greatest fears come true. Mine did.. losing my relationship with the man I married and secure financial security with the divorce. I'm not saying this to scare you.. but to allow focus. You see.. fear freezes actions. If I hadn't been afraid I would have dealt with things head on rather than getting and staying stuck.
Have YOU seen a counselor? If not, going to a good one would be helpful. What about medication.. anti depressants... how do you feel about that? My counselor taught me that I had to be in a good place to make good decisions. Having her and my doc with the medication checks has proved to be a fantastic combination.
Kids model after their parents. If you feel helpless, they feel helpless and will seek out attention (good or bad) to test and maintain boundaries. "Love and Logic" is a great book for parenting issues.
Get healthy, No Code.. in mind, body and spirit.. to the best of your ability. Toss away the list of all the bad that you fear will happen and replace it with everything you want to happen. Get healthy and the rest follows.
As corny as it seems, YOU are in complete control over how you feel. Get off the "I suck, I'm going to lose everything that's precious to me" rocking horse. You don't suck. And you definitely rock in good ways.
The lawyer suggests taking a parenting class.. say great!.. Is there a follow up class? What else can I do, Mr. Attorney.. what would help my case?
Kids are kids are kids. If you view each one of their negative actions at school, going to school, etc as a mark against you, your focusing on YOU more than them.. and they pick up on that. And they feel guilty and insecure because Daddy is unhappy with them. Where's all the great stuff you share them?
Perception. What is yours.. how do you improve?
I'm sorry to hear the divorce papers were served. But guess what...? It was the least expensive way possible.. whoo hoo! She's not out to decimate the assets you have.
The court doesn't like to change something that's working. Your 7 day on/off arrangement seems to be working. Just because she wants something doesn't mean she'll get it. If you're so concerned about losing the kids, ask the lawyer about the viability of having an assessment made by a social worker of both households and how the kids interact.
Code.. the world is not out to get you. You're a wonderful, articulate human being. The sky is not falling, the ground IS shaking a bit.. but you have steady hands for your sons to hold and a smile that shows them all is good.
Bring out your best for you.. for your boys. Drop the sack cloth and live in the light, not the darkness of despair.
If you have the urge to say "I can't".. replace it with "I choose not to"... makes a huge difference.
