He just called to see how I was. I just went for it and I'm not ok, he said that it is ok for me to cry and feel what I'm feeling. He said lots of things have been going on but that when I'm drunk, i'm nasty to him and I've said before 'we're finished'.
He said its not all my fault and there is other stuff not ow but I've not to blame myself.
I ave said to im before we're finished. I don't know why I do this not for at least a year and I know I can't just focus on that but he wants to go out a drive or a walk tonight and just talk.
I told him that I've had a good look at my behaviour and reasons I do this when drinking, I told him that I know this is not a quick fix thing and that I'm going to work on myself.
He keeps saying it's not all my fault and he said he really thinks counselling will help.
I'm going to tred very carefully here because I want this marriage to work. I've caused this negative, self destruction and I'm going to do everything in my power to mend it. This man is the greatest man in the world and he does not deserve this treatment. He has never ever treated me with even disrespect. For that reason, I'm going to do what is in HIS best interests.
I didn't appreciate what I had and I'm going to try my best to work on that again.
The energy I've wasted being jealous of his ex - destructive and totally no need for it.
I'm changing my ways for myself. I know this sounds like I'm taking all the blame and I know there is still stuff I need to hear. I know I'm a good person and I know we can work this out.
