I understand the frustration of the work thing - I used to resent the long hours my h put into his job. As it turns out he was putting those hours in because he felt this great need to provide and achieve. He found achievement in a different way than I would and I didn't understand that. It caused us to clash, bang heads and resent each other and move in different directions. Not good for the end goal...
I am confused as to what you need to see from him. Can you list what behaviour he needs to demonstrate for you to be satisfied. I know that his behaviour is frustrating and believe me I totally understand your frustration but we can lament his faults etc all we like. Getting frustrated and throwing the divorce card is not going to help you get any nearer your goals. You need to be clear about what you want to see from him and then you can 'do work'.
I think it is important to acknowledge to that we all do things in different ways. I seem to be thinking back here to when he gave you an ipod as a present and it wasn't quite what you wanted as it didn't have the same emotional significance to you as perhaps something else (jewellery is always the thing I treasure). It turned out he had put thought into that present and once you realised that you enjoyed it. He just did things differently to the way you would.
I know how much you put into this and don't get me wrong I don't under-estimate that. But I don't feel I can jump on and say he is not putting anything into this, he is just working on it in a different way and at a different pace. At the moment you guys seem to be banging heads and are very near the 'let's just divorce point'. I know you want this man to stand up and fight for you. As I see it he is, just not perhaps the way you would like to see him do it.
Maybe you have listed this already but you have lots of threads and input so maybe it would be good to bring it to the forefront again. What are your goals and what would you like to see from him to feel like you are moving towards them.
