Just keep swimming...PH #4

[pearlharbr]

I can't change ringtones on my phone. I'm too cheap to buy the program to convert songs into ringtones But if I could I definitely would have put something appropriate on!

I'll just go back to James Hunter since I'm seeing him in concert tonight. "Forgiveness is the business of some other diplomat so baby don't come back."

Off to walk off those cookies!

[Tawnya]

OH yeah..I forgot that one..woot..go ahead solidarity sister

Tawnya

[lemonsnap]

Wow, Pearl -
(((((((hugs))))))
I don't think I'm in the position to offer up any great nuggets of advice to you right now, but I do think it's very natural for us to have vacilating feelings and emotional reactions to this process. It's just that - a process. If it were completely black and white, we'd have made our decisions long ago.

I respect you for being able to hear those feelings and sit with them for a while. Don't push them away - they need to be processed.

Whatever you decide, the decision is YOURS. You are the one that will be your own guaranteed companion throughout this life and you should be happy with you!

Your friends probably think they are best supporting you by venting and saying those things. It's hard to just listen without judgement when someone you care about is going through a painful time. They probably think it's making you feel better!

Thinking of you!

[pearlharbr]

Ok, just got back from IC.

Told C what has happened since last week, the pathetic email, not showing up to move but coming to play with the cats, my response, and this morning's email. Explained that I was sad last night but didn't think it was about xBF, more nostalgia. Wondered if my goal was to try everything to save the R before walking away does that mean I need to keep trying now that xBF might be coming around...

Nope. In fact C thinks I have already done everything I need to in regards to R. He agrees the emails are pathetic attempts to manipulate my emotions and recommends that I tell xBF to stop talking about R because it is over.

He said that I will experience a range of emotions and it's important to recognize them for what they are and not confuse them with wanting/needing to go back to xBF.

I asked if it's bad that I don't want to see xBF. I don't want to avoid him but just don't see why I should see him. The answer was a resounding no, I shouldn't see him and give him the opportunity to try to manipulate me.

So I feel better. Back to being strong!

[kassie]

Pearl,
Being strong or avoiding? Can't you be strong in front of him if you need to? You have been avoiding him but that isn't necessarily strength. What do you think?
I don't want to undermine your strength, only point out that you came here to work on your R. You did what you could and it seems to me that it might be working now. I dont' understand why you would not want to see what is there? You don't have to change anything yet - have a talk - one with your goals in hand. Keep it focused and listen to what he says. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just because it isn't your timing doesn't mean anything. People change or start to change in their own time - if things were reversed wouldn't you want the same consideration?
You can still be the fun loving person you are - again, I think R breakdown because something wasn't working as it should or at least was not compatible - changing things is what can make a difference. It is your decision to make by all means. I am just conveying some of my own frustrations and confused feelings in this process.
I certainly wouldn't trust much, I would ask a lot of questions, and be very focused on what is said and or done and whether it is consistent or not.
I think it is the awkward position we are in when R fall apart or separate. All kinds of thought and feelings come out. We can pull up all kinds of confirmation of any feelings we have at the moment because that is how our minds work. That is why goals help to maintain the focus and judgment.

If I have said the wrong things I apologize - it probably is my stuff coming out. I certainly want you to feel good about yourself and your decisions. And remember your friends just want you to feel better, IC vary a lot in their objectivity as well. I like MC because they are trained the same way - IC's vary in their training based on personal biases. But again, I am uncertain about sending this to you and hope it is received as intended. If it makes you angry just yell at me Please! I can take it.(actually not but I would deserve it if you felt that way)

[Tawnya]

{{{{Pearl}}}} I'm so glad you got to hash out some stuff with your IC and were able to bounce ideas and thoughts off of them. Interesting how sometimes someone can help you see a different perspective than you can see alone isn't it?

Of course, you not wanting to see him is totally understandable and also I know that at some point you will get to/probably are at the point of being able to see him and be strong..but probably best when you REALLLYYYY know what you want and feel so good and strong about that decision

Hugs to you..so how many times have you listened to the "rock star" today (or too many to count

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

The thing is, I'm sure I can be strong in front of him. And I don't really want to avoid him. I just think that he wants to see me and I'm not into doing what he wants anymore. It's not going to do anything for me so why bother?

He knows perfectly well that his A is unacceptable to me. Unless and until he tells me that he has stopped seeing OW and will not see her again, we have nothing to discuss other than finances.

Thinking of sending him a message tomorrow morning to say that if he wants to pick up furniture this weekend he needs to tell me day/time by the afternoon so I can run it by the house sitter (she works on the weekends too so don't know when she'll be at the house). Otherwise he needs to make arrangements to get it next week because I will be gone the following weekend also. I just want him to get his sh!t and be done with it already.

[pearlharbr]

And Tawnya, I have no idea how many times I've listned to the rock start today. It's just on repeat!

FYI - I had a good and bad evening. Went to see James Hunter and Susan Tedeschi. He was awesome but didn't play my new theme song (Don't Come Back). I started talking to the guy next to me and he talked me into staying to see Susan. I was familiar with a few of her songs but SO glad I stayed for her set - she totally rocked! After the show the guys (three of them, work for an engineering/mining consulting firm in town for business) invited me out for a drink.

So we hung out for a while and by the time I went back to my car the parking garage was closed! Grr. So I had to take a cab home and will have to catch the bus downtown first thing in the morning. It's probably going to cost me a fortune for parking overnight, but oh well, I had fun talking with them.

[Tawnya]

{{{Pearl}}} argh..my little party animal..LOL..next time get your car OUT of the garage and then go chat up the dudes..3 of them..WOW..you are my new hero LOL

I'm glad you had a good time last night and hopefully it won't be TOOOO bad to get it out of the garage and/or worth it?!

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

It wasn't like that Tawnya - they were married! Just had fun talking with them. And their company has an office in the Bay Area so they may be able to connect me with some job leads.

Got the car this morning and just drove out! Guess that building is only monthly parking so they don't have an attendant and the exit gate was up. Woo hoo! So it only cost me $12 total for the cab home last night and bus downtown this morning.

Going to send xBF email now about bank accts and moving his cr@p.