Mornin K... I guess in response to your 'fill in the blanks' and wondering why he wont..that reminds me of how frustrated I used to feel with my sitch, but I seem to have come to a point of acceptance about what has gone on before... I used to say, why wont he talk to me? Why wont he tell me why he is phoning every day/not phoning/ why he left etc.. and my Mum (always my Mum) would say... becuase he doesnt have the answers. Theres no point asking, because he doesnt know and he doesnt have the answers and he probably doesnt understand himself why he is behaving x, y,z....
So when your H sits there and trails off.. he hasnt got the answers fully formed and clear, he is still moving (slowly!!!!) through this process. Like Bworl very aptly pointed out - he's only just NOW realised he neeeds to DO any work on himself, neverlone done it and come out the other side with that "Ahhh!" lightbulb moment (the one I had when my ex left and perhaps you have had moments like that) when you realise how you have been behaving and why... he hasnt yet worked out WTH he has been acting up these past 2 years.
... on the what you could do.. I said alot of encouraging things yesterday about going to see him and listen and you did and you said "and maybe, maybe I could be more... "accommodating" so that he could at least reach out more".. yes, maybe you could do that active listening, give more reassurances.. but.. in my own sitch, I got the same.. he would start a sentence and trail off and sat in a car twice and held his hand and SAID "I know you find it hard to talk...but you could have talked to me and I am an understanding person, its ok...." but still, he said nothing. He wasnt ready. You can lead a horse to water...
As for someone else (was it GFI?) I agree with some points there like, it seemed to me that he does basically, want you to just be happy... because he can see your agony and suffering and he loves you and because he doesnt know WTH he is doing right now (and possibly, who the hell he is even!) and he cant give you the answers, or what you need.. he feels pushed into just saying, fine, D, do what you have to. Thats what we read about in DB/DR isnt it.. if someone is still processing and you push them, serve an ultimatum, that doesnt work, as all they can do is say fine, go then. But that doesnt mean that they no longer love you/want you...but seems you probably realise that this morning.
It reminded me of myself, when my EA first imploded and my ex was reaching out to me for explanations.. I pushed him out the door, because I didnt have what he wanted, but I actually still loved him. Also, it reminds me of my ex, the last time I saw him, when I asked him to tell me what was going on, what was I to do?...I remember he said to me with that awful guilty/heartbroken look on his face "I dont know.... I dont know what I am about... I just want you to be happy Al". Seems perhaps thats all your H can give you right now.. if you love them, set them free, isnt that the phrase?
Sorry for rambling. Woke up thinking of you, glad you sound better today. So..whats the plan??
