So far the kids are okay with it, but we have been very careful not to say or do anything in front of them. I don't think they really have any idea what's about to happen. But I am close with my kids and I think this might be worse because it's going to blindside them.
Today, after church, I pretty much stayed out of her way. She took the kids to school and I left to work on my paper. I plan to do the same tomorrow. I have parent/teacher conferences with the kids preschool tomorrow and then I leave straight to school from there.
Here's the part that I don't understand. For years now we have been living off of my income. We decided that it was best that if we could do it, someone should stay home with the kids. Since they are twins, if both of us worked, one of us would be working to pay daycare, which really wouldn't make much sense. However, in late December I got laid off (along with a whole lot of other Americans). She was able to get health insurance through her school. But now if she goes through with this, we are both going to be in a bad place financially. Even when I find another job, we were treading water to stay afloat as it was, and now she will get a portion of that income. She really cannot start work now as she will begin student teaching soon and that's already a full time job without pay. Plus the kids are only in school (preschool) for a few hours four days a week. I know she can get help with that, but I'm saying that in this market and at this time, it really doesn't make sense for her to work. But on top of it, when I do get a job, I will have bills that I will need to pay, not to mention the cost of rent, etc. So I will be knocked back pretty far and to be honest I don't think she'll fare much better.
However, if we can find a way to reconcile, we will be finished with school around the same time. By the standards of where we stood, we will be making twice the income than we ever had before. Plus we will teachers, so our hours and holidays will correlate nicely with the kids. I know that it isn't the best circumstance to stay together simply for financial reasons, but if I think that if she can just hang on a bit longer, we can pull ourselves out of this debt and can build a good life together. I think once we are live life without the constant shadow of financial strain hanging over our heads, she might find that she can rediscover those feelings that she thinks she lost.
But presently (and things change in an instant sometimes) she can't see that. But I just don't get why she is in such a rush to throw us into a financial ruin that will be difficult for both of us (though I admit, more so myself) to ever pull out of. We have come so far and so long, and now with light at the end of tunnel she wants to quit. If she has hung on this long, a bit longer cannot hurt. Even if when all is said and done she still wants the divorce, we will be in a better place financially and mentally for our children.
I guess my question is, how do I figure out how to motivate someone who seems deadset in the opposite direction?
