I'm thinking it sounds like a lot of this is stuff I've gone through with my kids--ordinary kid stuff. My kids esp. D9 has told me a couple times she hates me or whatever, and then later she cools down and says I'm sorry I didn't mean it. But even if she never said that I know it's just something she says. Kids are kids.
But if you want me to agree with you, that you're a parent who's causing his kids to act out. OK, sure. So what should you do about that then? Maybe you could look at it as a problem to solve? Like I haven't gotten a job yet!, but I don't say I'm a lousy loser not deserving of one, no I think I'm just going to work on networking more and I've gotten some books on interviewing so I can work on improving those skills. I think it helps and it def. helps my PMA to just focus on what is the problem and how can I work on it. Try different stuff until you find what works.
If you still feel like that you could work on your parenting, then maybe get some parenting books and try some of the stuff they recommend that you haven't done yet? Do constructive stuff instead of beating yourself up.
I really do think a lot of this is just our kids going through divorce and separation and I'll admit right now my S15 has had a hard time with this, and I bet most kids. Even my D9 tries to act chipper but I know she is sad too.
One thing I was thinking is you seem to be putting a lot of stress on yourself. Like when your boys act out that reflects badly on you and you're worried how it will look in court. I do think it's possible that your boys could pick up on that kind of stress and it could stress them out too. I mean kind of when I'm in a happy, good mood most of the time my kids are too, and when I'm having a stressed out grumpy day my kids seem too also. Like they pick up our moods or something.
NC, I know you are a loving dad and that's what's important. Look at my H and I don't think he ever has any feelings like you do about his parenting or self-reflection, and really he is not even in the same league as you!!!! Karen
