And to add to it a "blame the victim" mentality is infuriating. If I hear "an affair is a symptom of a bad marriage, not the cause of its end" one more time, I'm just gonna have to throttle someone. Yeah, it was a bad marriage, and I would have loved to have worked on it; but before the affair he shut me out, and when the OW came along there was no hope of healing it. But he has "moved on" and is "happy" and while it's sad, I'd "better learn to move on too." Well, yeah, I'm trying, but when his financial greed results in virtual poverty for D13 and I, and his profound narcissism results in D13 being forced to make friends with the woman who broke up her family--it's not quite so easy, is it? But who's the one with the supportive friends and family? Even those to whom I've exposed the affair have hardly batted an eye about it and seem more concerned that I read H's email to find out the truth, than that what was in those emails was the deconstruction of my marriage.
Ouch.......
After reading this I think the whole get a life thing should be re-phrased, "Save your own a$$"
Really, because in some cases, injustice is the norm, the wicked prosper and the LBS is left shattered emotionally, relationally, spiritually and financally.
I think a sobering, helpful, statement someone might say to a new LBS is:
1. Your spouse is having an affair
2. They are discarding you.
3. It looks like they might leave.
4. They want to replace you with the OP and have them raise you children.
5. They are willing to ruin you financially.
6. They are only thinking of themselves.
7. You might lose your whole community around you.
8. Your inlaws will probably circle the wagons and abandon you and, perhaps your children.
9. Some of your common friends will choose the WAS and their paramour over you.
10. You church may be of little or no support.
11. You will feel totally alone.
12. You may be able to turn this situation around with certain behavior modifications (ie, Divorce-bust), but, MOST importantly....
13. GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER!!!! You will need to, single-handedly, take care of yourself: body, soul and spirit. No one is going to do this for you. Excercize, get hobbies, find new friends, make as much money as you can, create meaning and happiness around yourself, get legal advice, because, KIDDO...NO ONE is going to do this for you.
14. DO IT NOW!!!!!!!
15. Oh yes, was it clear that no one is going to do this for you?
16. REALLY, you are totally screwed, so get off you a$$, save yourself, and move on.
