((((all)))) Sorry- this is long and just general journalling. Good luck those who try to read it!
No test results yet- given its the NHS and I wasn't sure if my private cover would extend beyond this month (work pays for it), it's going to be a couple of weeks yet. We shall see.
Things are OK here- I'm almost tempted to say good, but that's not very English. Clearly it's been too long since I posted aswell because I can barely remember what was happening at the time. I had to go back and check. So....
I didn't go to lunch at Borough market with the hot guy from next door because when I got into work there was tons to sort out (my FD was supposed to do it and didn't). So the guys from the office across the hall started helping me out; one made me tea, hot guy bought me lunch, another two helped me shift the office (our old office was about 10 yards away, so I didn't manage to convince anyone to ask me out within a day, K!), the other one bought me a magazine to read and tried to help me find a job and then hot guy bought some drinks in the evening and we had a sort of housewarming party for the new office.
That day CEO wasn't in, but he checked on me during the day. When he found out I was alone and FD hadn't done his job he got on his case and sorted it out for me even though he was ill.
Since then I've been in the office every day, sometimes with CEO, sometimes with CEO and Cockney guy. Interesting and funny times. None of the guys across the hall come near me when CEO is about, he having successfully intimidated them all and established himself as the dominant male. When Cockney guy has been in things have been very quiet, but when it's just me and CEO alone it's all laughing and chatting. However, nothing has 'moved', I guess, in that situation. I didn't expect anything to until work finishes. Speaking of which....
Last week CEO got some preliminary confirmation that there might be funding for my project to continue. It was really good news as it means the company can continue to exist in some form, but when he told me about it he was really forceful, I guess is the word. I was FURIOUS, and walked off saying I wasn't going to discuss it with him in the hall (picture me standing in the lifts pressing the 'close door' button repeatedly and him standing in the hall outside saying 'call me if you want to talk'). I didn't call as I had dinner with H that day but on the way home I got a very long apologetic message from CEO saying how sorry he was that he'd handled telling me badly, that he was just wanting to tell me and do the best he could and sorry again.
It was so sweet- no-one ever apologises to me if I get angry (or at least I can't remember the last time it happened, although I don't tend to get upset with many people apart from CEO I think). And he sounded so nervous and sweet doing it. The next day he called first thing to apologise again and check I'd got his message, and said he'd felt really bad for making me unhappy. Anyway, this is a very long description of a little event that made me realise how nice it is to be able to disagree and make up afterwards.
This week we've been mainly alone in the office. Every day when CEO walks in and says hello to me in the usual soft/sweet/flirtatious way looking me straight in the eye, my heart skips a beat. We've had lunch together every day and he's been lingering afterwards to talk- books, film, politics, religion, sport, science, business, ethics, finance, architecture, art. It's challenging me in a way that I haven't been since I was at school and it's good. Really good.
I do think I have to get out of there though- in a way it's a relief that it'll only be another two days. I'm still not sure he's that keen on me though. I think he had a date at the weekend (although I'm not sure he was that keen on her). But on the other hand, he's said he wants to come with me to visit my friend next month on a Sunday (he wants to pitch an idea for a TV series to him!), and when I was buying England tickets (football/soccer) he was angling for an invitation, so we're nominally going to see the game together assuming he doesn't book his holiday over that day. Who knows. He's an alpha male so theoretically he should want to pursue me. Either he doesn't want to, or something is stopping him. Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted but try to keep it shorter next time!
H is unchanged. No opinions to offer particularly- it didn't bother me before but did last time I saw him. We're still exchanging e-mails aswell, so I guess it's a good being friends outcome. I'm quite happy with that. You know, the other day at lunch CEO said to me that he was surprised when he met H as he thought I'd have been married to a complete stud (I think this was supposed to be a compliment), whereas in fact H was nervous and lacked strength. Maybe he wonders about my taste in men. I do too, to be honest. Although I'm not in an R with CEO, I notice myself that there's an energy about the interaction that wasn't there with H. I feel like I'm being stretched and pushed to educate and inform myself, to have opinions and express them and to stand my ground. That's how I was years ago and somewhere along the way I lost that girl (years- really, like 15 or more years). I feel sort of young and alive and it's good to have been reminded what I was like, and what I can be.
Anyway, that's about it from here. A very CEO oriented post because he's forcing me to question myself and it's changing my perspective (not on him per se, but on myself). Next week normal service should resume as I'll be out of the testosterone bath!
