I just found this post. It must have fallen through the cracks. Sorry it took 3 days to get a response. It may also have taken a while to get a response because what you are asking is one of the hardest things to do. This crap makes us CRAZY.
How did I deal with it??? Well initially...beer and Xanax. Sure works in the short term but it is NOT the solution. Having a plan is what helped combat the crazies. Getting a plan gives you something else to focus on. Get a plan to get yourself and your situation together so you can feel in control. You found your way here, so that is a step. Have you read Divorce Remedy yet? If you haven't, do it.
Next, STOP SNOOPING! You already know as much of the ugly truth as you need. The snooping gives your mind fuel to write those crazy stories. You can find things through snooping that can be mis-interpreted or taken out of context. All snooping ultimately does is make you crazy. You can never confront him with the snooping because you just wind up outing yourself. So, you wind up with this intel just gnawing at your guts.
Lastly, get a life (GAL). This concept is hard for newbies to grasp. Get yourself as healthy and beautiful as possible, inside and out. If you can keep yourself busy and more or less happy with other activities, it does two things, it helps clear your head and ease your anxiety and you begin to realize that you are having fun without your spouse! So if you get to keep him, great, if not, well you still have a life. That life will go on, and you will be OK. The worst that can happen is you are now hot, healthy and centered, ready to take on the world, together or alone. I know it sounds so Oprah but it really works.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
