Devestated

[SoCo]

The reason that he supposedly got so mad is the way I worded something during our chat. We were discussing the fact that if he went out and signed a years lease, then we would both be stuck in long leases if we were to work something out. He threw in my face that I signed a years lease. I told him that when this was first going on, I didn't see much hope of things getting worked out and I wanted a stable place for me and the kids. He had been acting irrational, and I was afraid he was going to leave us, and then I wouldn't be able to support the kids. This was not uncalled for, as he had actually taken off a couple of different times, and yelled at me that we needed to just get divorced. So, how are you supposedly going to get so mad that I said I didn't feel that things would work out. If I thought they would, I wouldn't have wanted to seperate to start with.

Obviously, I was trying to give it another try now, and that's why we were having this talk. I also told him that I had thought about (we had even discussed it before we separated) the fact that if we did get things worked out before a year was up, that he could come stay with us. He was supposed to be staying with his friend this whole time and trying to pay things off, etc. Now all of the sudden, that goes out the window and he HAS to have his own place. I think it's because he is interested in someone else. I know he went on a date. You can't really take your OW back to your friends little apartment. As for the OW he was talking to on the internet, that was someone far away, and I read the e-mails. It was just talking like "friend" talk, however I felt that it was inappropriate in some aspects. I felt it was an EA, because one night when we had a disagreement, I sent him to stay at a friend's house for the night. He was texting me talking about how he couldn't sleep, etc. Yet one of the e-mails to this woman was from that night. If you are so broken up about being apart from me, why would you be e-mailing another woman? That's why I felt that he was in/on the verge of EA.

I swear he was in total denial before we separated, even though we talked about it two months before hand. It's like he has no memory of what we talked about. He is basically acting like he suffered so much during these past two months (because of his own actions) and now that he's about to get his own place and be "free" I am trying to pull him back. That's not his working, it's just my take of the situation.

Anyway, I guess whatever will be will be. I don't want to even speak to him after the way he treated me. His shoes are still on my back patio. I have only contacted him once and that was about the house (which we still have to get rid of). I guess that's what they call "going dark". I will speak with him about the kids but not on a personal level. I have been on too much of an emotoinal roller coaster. We have not disconnected. We have been talking on a personal level. We have been sleeping together, and eating together a couple of nights a week. So, after this, I'm just assuming that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not gonna happen buddy.