Still talking with b.i.l. I get mixed signals, like he's sure there is an A going on, but he doesn't want to get mixed up in the legal issue. So he doesn't discuss it.
That being said, I sent an email saying I hoped we could find a common front on something, such as counseling for purposes of communication. I'd hope they would consider pushing that to W so that it would help our D(1) in the long run by getting us to work together, even if just in a businesslike sense for our D(1). Asked them to consider pushing it in consideration of supporting the Div since it is being bankrolled by m.i.l.
He did tell me that they aren't accepting anything from either me or W as fully truthful because there are two wildly separate stories. I just rely on the fact that I've always been honest with them, even about things I'm not proud of.
So... not sure if that communication is helpful or not, but it gives me insight and I don't give up any legal information, just my feelings, thoughts, concerns, etc. about W's behavior and my desire to work on the M. I'm hoping that they push C just so that we can get some issues out of the way, and hopefully cut down on the lies/hysteria that W is spewing everywhere.
AFAIK he is good about keeping confidence, and I like to have an advocate because m.i.l. is pretty crazy when it comes to lashing out, much like my W. Instead of accepting criticism, they prefer to counter-attack. Unlike me, I do my mea culpas and then continue forward in life.
So... as far as my W, I've pretty much gone dark. I send a txt message each afternoon to ask about my D(1), and beyond that not discussing anything with her.
While she is steeped in an A that she still isn't being honest about, there isn't much else I can do. Exposure may/may not backfire, she isn't fully aware of what I have, and she's probably thinking she can lie her way through a court thing - not realizing that judges and lawyers aren't emotionally attached to her and can see through b.s.
Me? I literally saw OM sneaking out the back of my house on 12/29 and believed my W when she said no one was there. I loved, trusted, and put a lot of faith in my W - and it doesn't feel good at the moment.
Otherwise... this is all (fairly) fresh, and I'm doing my best to move forward. Bombed a test this morning, have one this evening.
Trying not to go under with her... still wearing my wedding ring... in a confused state at the moment. She's done so much to destroy the trust and burn any bridges on the road back to reconciliation, yet for some reason I'm still hopeful. That will fade... and eventually when she does come back I think it might be too late. I hope not... but if I've moved on in life I'm not sure what my state of mind will be then.
I am starting to feel more of the hurt. The pain. The betrayal. I suppose I'm past the 'shock' stage. Now I'm putting things into perspective to begin distancing.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I should continue? I'm figuring that since she takes anything I say and twists it to her lawyer (I asked to take our D(1) to visit family during spring break, my attorneys get a allegation that I "threatened to take the baby out of town where she can't get to her.") I should probably remain dark, deal with her through lawyers, and just focus on GAL and positive relationships with my children.
I will probably still see W on weekends for a few hours at least, but I'm going to stop making small talk. I'm going to smile, nod, listen, all those sorts of things. But I'm done reaching out.
Advice?
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
