Well hallelujah to that! We all struggle in our own way with just focusing on ourselves, you can read it in everyones posts somewhere! No matter if some appear to be GALing more than others.
So.. I was going to try and do a bit of alianalysis, if it helps! You said
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left a voicemail along the lines of,
"hey, I'm just calling to say hi and see how you're doing. I'd love to talk more about your recording sometime. I saw the email, it looks great the photos look great the program looks really interesting, I'd love to hear it sometime, I hope you have a great time in LA if you're not there already
...ok, lets just stop there a minute..? I read all that and I thought...Mmmm... little bit over the top? I think your ex is especially sensitive to being 'spooked' as Jeff would say! It might be good to jot a few things down before calling (unless you did!?) It was good to say you'd love to catch up, but maybe you need to just ease up a little (unless this is a cultural thing between Americans and English people) but to me it just sounded TOO MUCH, you know? Unless.... is this how you would leave a message for a good friend, is this a normal level of exuberance about said friends new project? If so.. ignore me!
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I don't know if you got my text asking for help with my resume, but I already sent it in, so you don't need to worry about that, it's all taken care of.
...ok, yes he got your text, everyone gets texts, unless you drop your phone in a river, or its NYE, so you are making him possibly embarressed that you DID NOT HEAR BACK FROM HIM. Guilt, reproach, etc? And he may well have NOT been worrying about it, but you saying it like that kinds of makes it sounds like yuo either expect him to have been worrying about it, or you were worrying that he hadnt got back to you?
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give me a call when it's a good time for you.
...like that bit alot !!
So T.. I am being pretty strong here, but I just wanted to show you that perhaps you are being a little too clingy, or leaking too much about your real feelings and again, like the offer to get the bus 2 hours for lunch, it might just freak him out a bit??? Perhaps thats why he sounded a bit offhand when he called you back... you being like this might force him to keep redrawing the boundary around himself, or between you and thats not what you want ! He doesnt seem to want to move your R onto a differnet level right now.. BUT.. its interesting he does keep returning your calls/emails and asked you to call him, so he must still care for you in some way and want you in his life in some capacity. I cant work out what that is though!!
I thikn you may have to practise being a bit more nonchalant? I'm not sure what the 'antidote' to it is, maybe some other posters might have an idea?
And lastly.. I read his message as totally innocuous, just shooting the breeze, hey California could be fun.. but yes, nothing serious and certainly not like he was trying to get some message to you about moving away or anything. Also, his easy goingness about where he lives COULD mean he's not in a serious R, I agree.
Having said all of that... YAY HE CALLED YOU BACK !!!!!!
