H has officially filed. Please help me!!!!!

[MomInPain]

I'm a bit weepy today............

Going round and around in circles isn't fun. Sad, mad, hurt, better, great, sad, mad..............

I just don't want to hurt any more. Just when I feel strong and confident and better about myself......BAM I get hit with overwhelming emotions. I feel so very broken.

I'm so tired of this, even though it is "better" it still hurts so bad.

I try to think back to a happier time when we didn't act like 2 people who can barely stand to be in a room together.

And then I remember, it was right before the speech. And I miss that.

There is something so indescribable about a husband leaving his wife.

All at once, everything you knew to be true is now gone.
Your security.......What made you feel safe in this world .....has betrayed you.
Where once you could eventually talk about how something made you feel........now you either don't wish to share your heart or feelings with the betrayer or he just doesn't listen/doesn't want to hear it.
Where once you felt like you were the most important person in his world..............now you are no more than just a hassle to deal with.
Where once you could do no wrong.............now everything you ever did was wrong or unsatisfactory.
Where once you worked together to find solutions..........now you work alone.
Where your best friend, lover, and go to guy is now a stranger.

I do feel broken. I don't know how to fix me. I don't know how to be just ok, how to just be. When for so long it was us. We were a family, and we were great. Now were just not. And I don't know how to do that.

I can't even imagine opening up my heart again. Trusting that it will not get torn to pieces. Part of me really wishes I had someone to help me mend it. Help me forget. Remind me of why I deserve to be loved, cause right now I don't feel it.