One thing I've been thinking about is what if with my DB stuff my wife is afraid to let me know she wants to get "closer"? What if she is waiting for me to make a move because she doesn't want to get hurt by a rejection? I don't think it's the right thing for me unless I know for sure she is ready because if I try and do something and get shot down that puts us waaaay back...But if I just keep doing what I'm doing what will change?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
This past Friday night I called to talk to the kids and Talked to the W. I could tell she was stressed big time, our S is in an accelerated class at school and has like three projects due this week (yes bragging a little on my S :)). I told her if she needed any help this weekend to give me a call.
So S calls Saturday morning to see if I'm coming over, I said maybe let me talk to Mom. So I ask her if she wants me to come she said S does, I waited.........didn't say anything.......Then she says sure it would help if you came. Now comes a HUGE 180 for me I told her I could come over later and watch the kids if she wanted to get out of the house, we used to always fight during the beginning of the S about her saying she didn't have time to go out with me but would go out with friends (very rarely)when I had the kids. I could tell she was VERY surprised with my offer.
So we decided for me to come about 5 to help S with a school project and she would make dinner. It was a great night, nothing big happened it was just nice.
As I have said before the hard part for me is that it FEELS like she wants to "move forward" but then she starts protecting herself...I know she is having trust issues with me and doesn't want to get hurt again. I see small things but sometimes I get frustrated and just want to yell "TAKE A CHANCE"...I don't I always wait till I'm in the car on the way home :).
Another thing I've been trying to do is tell her about my day, work, ect. One of her issues with me is I didn't tell her these things I would always wait till she asked me about things. The hard part with this is I don't know where to draw the line I don't want to tell her things if she isn't interested but I want her to know I'm willing to share.
One day at a time I guess...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
It's funny how feelings change or seem to change so fast, from my POV.
About a month ago until this past week I thought things were getting better and better almost everyday. We had dinner together as a family a few times hung out talked laughed, ect.
This past week has been awful. I had my kids the weekend before and noticed my daughter seemed to be getting a cold. didn't seem to have a big fever, so I didn't think it was a HUGE deal. My wife was on call all weekend and the kids were off school Monday so I told her I would keep them a half day on Monday so she could finish up work. Well my daughter spikes a fever 102 so wife takes her to the Dr, she has pneumonia.
Daughter can't go to school on Tuesday and wife asks if I can take off on Tuesday, I couldn't. Then she calls Tuesday at like 5pm and asks if I can take a half day on Wed. I couldn't but told her that I could take off Thursday. I could tell she was upset but I really couldn't take off.
I called to talk with the kids Tuesday night and told my wife that my son's cub scout meeting is next Tuesday (tomorrow) and not the normal Thursday. She said she knew and RSVP'd since they are having a pizza party but she RSVP'D for 3. Normally I take him and she stays home with D or visa versa. I didn't let her know it really pi$$ed me off. I haven't missed ONE cub scout thing. Plus I've always told her if she RSVP's to these things copy me on the email so I know it's done. It just seems to me to be common courtesy.
Her parents were there this weekend which means if I call to talk with the kids it's ALWAYS a bad time, not in a bad way but they are always doing something. I've asked her to have the kids call me so I don't get them in the middle of doing something, no call all weekend.
It's weeks like these I wonder why I still want to try.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Thanks for stopping by my thread and commenting. I just read yours and it's amazing how much in common we have. My W is an ACOA, and I gave up a 25 year pot habit (addiction?) in July, early on in our emotional separation.
Since then I have done everything wrong (begging, pleading, pursuing, pursuing, pursuing) until I finally got it New Years Eve when she said "Can't you just stop, don't you see that you're just pushing me away?".
Anyhow, don't want to hijack your thread, just wanted to say thanks, hang in there, and take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your struggle.
