Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

Progress is very, very slow. My W told me yesterday (through Dialogue) that she feels vulnerable and unsure about the post program. Basically she is not ready yet to work on our marriage (just our "friendly" relationship), so she feels pressured by all of this. She says she does not understand the "Love is a decision" part, and she does not have the feelings of falling in love again. She asked me to give her one reason to try again. I told her that I love her and that it would save four people from the trauma of D. I do not remember exactly what she said (we were on the phone, as I am out of town), but she sounded like she was convinced she could get a D without the trauma.

This requires all my strength and patience right now. Not sure if she will get the "decision" concept during the upcoming post sessions. I can say for myself that I was not sure I loved her back in November or December, but as I made a few decisions to trust her (renewing our D5's passport), to love her (have been doing a lot of little things for her), and to commit to the Retro program, I started getting these feelings again. And today I feel as attracted to her as when we fell in love the first time.

But I also have a better grasp on my boundaries. I communicated to her that her post-D plans (moving back to Germany with the kids) are and will always be unacceptable to me. I have not put a time limit on this limbo state, but I am thinking hard about how long I can accept her indecision. I would like to hear from others how they have handled these things post-Retro.

Thanks,
AN