I guess maybe some background on where I am emotionally -

If I come out on here, and expose my heart, it is like this.

I love my wife. I love her dearly, and for the first time in our marriage, I love her unconditionally. It doesn't matter what she does - I love her. If I knew her heart and mind would heal, I'd wait another 20 years for her. I have never looked at any other woman, and have no desire to.

I love my family - my children are amazing, none better. \:\) We have had so many good times as a family - some bad, but by far the majority is good. W and I have had good times and bad - but by far the majority good.

I believe her history of abuse, coupled with an MLC, coupled with postpartum depression have brought about where she is - I've even had a couple of mental health professionals say they believe she may be bi-polar. I contributed to our problems as well, and I take full responsibility for that.

So I factor all of this in - but I know I can't "fix" her - she doesn't even see her problems. I know that at some point I need to move on with my life, and I need to set a moral example for my children.

So, as to Kassie's comments - there is a difference between what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do, whether I'm ready or not.

Tawnya, you're right, am I ready for a negative response? Honestly, I'm not, and I probably won't ever be.

So, the question is, do I sit here with no closure, watching W in an affair, even as platonic as it seems to be? What lesson am I teaching my kids if I do that?

I guess it boils down to this - when do you go from doing what you WANT to doing what you SHOULD do?

I've set my dark requirements for March 1st, and I'm amazed that it is almost here. But I was so focused on getting through the month, I never put any thought into what to do AFTER the month. I don't think that W is ready to give up the affair - she still believes it's NOT an affair because she justifies that our separation equals not being married.

I keep thinking that if I just wait a liiiiiitle longer, that things will change, but is that realistic?

I'm really relying on God - but God doesn't base his plans on mine! SO, whee!

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