Hi, I wanted to respond to your post, but I don't think I'll be much help. My H told me he needed "space" and "time to get his head screwed on straight." Oh, so classic. This was before he confessed to an EA that was supposedly already over that I had no idea about. Now he tells me he loves me like a friend, but not a husband, all the while, becoming very chummy with a woman nearly half his age. Well, I'll be, imagine that. We all know we don't stand a chance when they are convinced their happiness lies elsewhere and there's really nothing left to do but let go and go dark, which you say you have done. Good. You say your biggest dilemma is whether you want her back if you find out she has continued the A. What if right now you stop thinking about whether or not you want her back at some point?? Right now, assume she is (having the A) and assume you don't want her back. Things could always change down the road between you two, but in my case, I know I wasted so much energy worrying about things that were not in my control, as we all do I guess. I think it is healthier for us to take that approach and just simply assume that if the A continues, we don't want them back. Whether or not we actually want to do that is something we can figure out along the way. And I do think it takes a long time to figure it out too. I am 10 months into my mess and my thoughts have changed a lot during that time. But focus on being dark and doing the 180s. It DOES help. I am taking such baby steps into this and my 180s are really more like 30s, but I will take any progress that I can make. It is HARD. Good luck to you, sorry I know this probably wasn't any help.
