PM Thread #4

[Can it work]

Hey PM, I've really been thinking a lot about your sitch and whether I can give you any more help with trying to understand where your H is coming from. It could be the case that I'm quite like your H in many ways. If my M had gone on like it was, there's every chance that I may have found the affection I needed in the arms of another woman although it shames me to admit it. I was seeing no kind of affection at all from my W prior to the bomb. I'll give you an example of how bad it had gotten. I ML twice last year! Once on valentine's night and once on Wee Man's birthday. I put it down to the fact that we'd just never really found our feet again since she'd given birth. In that respect I guess I was a little naive. The reason she wouldn't ML to me is because she didn't think she loved me.

The main area our sitch's differ is that you are completely different from my W by the sounds of things. That could be because you are more mature and have already lived thorough many of the changes that my W has yet to experience. At the heart of it though, you believe that you weren't showing your H enough affection so he found it somewhere else. If I were you, I'd discount that idea completely. No matter how little affection you were showing him, it doesn't excuse what he did. He took the weak way out as far as I'm concerned. I've alrady admitted that I may have gotten to that stage myself eventually but not before I had tried to fix the problem in whatever way I could. My W never gave me that chance as it turned out but what she has given me is a chance to work harder to better myself.

I imagine that a few years ago, if you had left your H because you didn't feel the same love for him it would be him that was visiting this site trying to get help. I don't think it takes much for the shoe to be on the other foot. It could be something as simple as opportunity. It's human nature to want what we can't have and to feel destroyed by rejection.

I remember a time many years ago when I was young and stupid that I cheated on a girlfriend of mine. We then split up because of it (by my choice). We talked openly after we split up and she admitted to me that before I'd cheated on her she was on the verge of ending it anyway. Since I'd cheated on her she realised that she really did want to be with me and pursued me for a long time after. I'd moved on though. It was only a couple of years later that I realised what a fool I'd been and that my ex and I had been really good together. I would have been more than willing to get back together at that point but she'd already moved on. This is why I know that I have to learn patience in myself and resist moving on too quickly. It would be so easy for me now to call it a day and go find myself someone else. I'm certainly lonely enough to do it on occasion. I know that I still love my W more than anything though and would only ever regret a decision like that in the long run.

I think I've gotten carried away with writing down my own life story here PM so I'm sorry. Hopefully there will be something among all the nonsense that helps you in some way. For some reason my mind is just running away with ideas today and I seem to be writing them down. Didn't mean to hi-jack your thread. Keep smiling.

Kev