Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

I am quoting this from Steady, who posted it on another thread.

I know when I am rigerously honest, I was just as unhappy with my R as my W was. The problem we have now is that we see what was our fault in the destruction of the R and are working on it, while our spouses have no interest in it.

I'm holding onto what I think our M could have been if we BOTH did the work to get past all of this cr@p that happened between us. But my W decided she doesn't want to do the work. That's her decision, and I can't change that. It's out of my control.

Thanks Steady. This is true for me as well. Although I am being slow to admit it, I wasn't happy either.

I have also been focused (for a long time, since far before the bomb) on "what I think our M could have been if..."

Update:
I'm on a business trip now, and have been keeping contact to a minimum - one call last night to talk to the boys. One string of texts to set up the call.

My W has been very cold and distant for the past XX days (not sure how many - a week or so) One word answers to questions are the norm.

Normally, when I am traveling, I would have called her at least twice - once to say good morning, once to say good night, but right now I know those would not be welcomed.

I still have to fight really really hard against myself not to call.

Been reading a ton: finished "Way of the Superior Man" - next up "Codependent no more"