"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

[theotherhalf]

Morning friends, I've been lingering on occasion. Wanting to post but don't have much to say. Things have been pretty quiet here. H is doing his own thing and we don't see or hear from him alot. Well I talk to him but it's on the phone only.

March 1st, farm rents are due. Time to decide for 2009. I was really starting to think that H was going to quit farming. He told his mom just a week or two ago that he was done. Been there done that time to do something different. Then the other day he says we need to get ready to go to the bank. I confronted (of course). I also told him of my fears and reservations of signing up with him in fear of another year of hell. That I want to continue to farm with him more than anything but things between us need to change or it will never work. Number one on the list is honesty, number 2 is respect. He swears to me he will not screw me over. I believe him today, tomorrow scares the hell out of me. I told him, he alreay has so why should I believe he won't continue. As long as a 3rd party is involved in any way I cannot trust him.

But..., I agreed to do this for another year. I am coming up with a partnership agreement to protect myself. He has agreed to sign anything. At moments I feel like a complete fool. Those that love me will be shaking their heads when they hear. I am scared, tired, worried, and suspisious. But a tiny bit of my heart is excited a bit. Alot can happen in a year. Maybe I see a tiny light up ahead. Then again maybe not. We'll see. I also am fully aware that papers signed or not, rents paid or not. A D can be filed at ANY time, lawyers can work out the rest.

My goals in this....my reasons for signing another year...
I am going to be more involved.
I am going to do my best to help us break even this year. Last year we came up $6000 in the hole.
I still want to make a go of this place.
IF we work TOGETHER, anything is possible...