First the goals you listed are great but those are actually the desired results of YOUR goals. Remember as hard as it is, YOU are the focus. YOU are the only one you can control. YOU are the only one who can make you happy. YOU have to do that for YOU so YOU can determine what YOU want and how long YOU will endure his crisis. If the things you stated happen, you can use that as a guage to see if what you are doing is working and if things are changing in your M.
Next, I like the term transitional crisis much better than MLC because MLC is a misleading term that implies a specific age in life.
Third, I know you need support but right now it might just be wise not to share any details with the family if you feel you can't trust them not to share with each other. Maybe just give them a general overview of your mood or sitch for a while. I found it was much easier that way for me just because I didn't want to have to rehash it with every person I spoke to and to be honest friends and family have a "stake" in your emotions and eventually they may try to give you advice that you don't want to hear, like just leave. And you have so much on your plate right now. Tackle getting yourself a little more on an even keel before you tackle the next issue.
Fourth, as much as it hurts and I know it does, you have to right now stop worrying about what he is doing or not doing. If he is texting someone, he is. If you press him on it, he will probably get angry or just do it more. Also, right now you have to accept the fact that there might be Ow be it Ea or PA. If not now, it could happen down the road. If that is something you think you can't survive, walk away now. But believe me, many of us have survived it, almost everyone on these boards in fact. You cannot say anything about him going out without running the risk of being seen as needy, pursuing, or interferring with what he is doing. I'm sorry to say that but it is true.
Go to the MLC forum and find 1Hope's threads. Hers is a shining example of a woman whose H took Alien to a new level and she came through like a shining star. It is not resolved yet but they are getting there. And you will learn a little about my story as well as a few others who seem sort of extreme. Although i'm sure if I went back through the archives I could find some that compare. It will give you some perspective on finding your own strenght and surviving. Anyway, I don't know if hers are linked but you can put her on your watched users list and then find all of her posts. That is easier than using the search feature.
I know I told you earlier that it has been since 2006 here. March 2006 is when I believe it was triggered. I too want everything fixed like yesterday but that is not the way it works. You will be better. Get some meds if you need them. You won't need them forever. I actually took Lexapro for a while. Helped me wonders while I worked through more issues than I knew I had. One thing I can tell you that I only learned through experience, and I've been with H 4times longer than you have with yours so definately experience, if you try to fix this with out going through it to the end, you will go through it again. Also if you do manage to fix it, you want to do it the right way. You don't want to just be grateful that he came back and end up not having dealt with your own stuff. You will go through more problems as a result of that. You have to do it the right way. Do the work, take the time. That is crucial to your mental health and survival even though it doesn't feel like it right now.
BTW-Very good job removing yourself from a situation that was making you uncomfortable. You are not a doormat and taking care of yourself proves it.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
