I understand, you wanted to make your marriage work. And that's great - that's the whole point. But your XW wasn't on the same page. She's got her own stuff going on. It's hard for us LBS to really get that. Here's something I found helpful when I finally started admitting it was stupid to keep hoping: http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/makeitwork.html
You're still young. Goals probably seem like a long way away, but they help. Try to think them through: what you want, where you see yourself heading, what you expect from a companion, what you need to feel loved or to feel respected at work, etc.
For better or worse, you're starting over and now you've got some baggage to deal with, i.e. reaction to XW and the fact you're obviously still not over her. It takes time and focus. Know yourself before you seriously try to get into another relationship. If you know yourself, you won't make as many mistakes. You'll have the confidence to ask for what you want and not be willing to become a doormat in order to get it. Know yourself and live life to the fullest.
Don't beat yourself up, either. We're all affected by a failed relationship. I'm sure your XW is affected by it. But it is what it is. So take it all with a grain of salt and move on. Remind yourself that you're an individual in this world and there is great beauty and experience to discover, whether you're with your XW, a smokin' hot babe, or alone. Discover your interests and pursue them and you will then discover yourself. Once you do that, people can't help but be drawn to you. Confidence and self-awareness is its own magnet. My $.02.
