Thank you for the kind words and words of encouragement.

Well, it was always divorce. I brought up the separation and she thought about it. She said that she would postpone the divorce for three months. I decided to stay put thinking that I could do more DB here than away. I had written her a letter explaining my reasons for separation vs. divorce, but didn't give it to her since I figured that I would take it on a month by month basis. If she holds off for three months, a lot can change and that letter may come off as badgering a point.

Today she has been extremely cold to me. One word answers. Never smiling. etc. But like I said, I am extremely ill so it may just be the way that I'm seeing it as well.

Before I bring up separating, I need to get her to the point of considering the possibility of reconciliation. I thought maybe she was there, but it doesn't seem so now.

Late next week she is going to Vegas to spend a few days with a friend of hers who moved there. She will return the following Monday. I think one night that week she gets back (seeing how things are)of sitting down and bringing up the separation. She will have returned from a vacation, perhaps she will clear her head a bit, and it will have been three weeks plus that she's been on the medication. She should feel some effects by then. If so, I will bring up the idea of taking a step back and away from the situation. I really think that she is in a place where she cannot see anything changing because she looks around her and only sees the misery she's in. And whether or not that misery stems from our marriage, out marriage has definitely been embedded into it.

I propose to her the following:

-Limited contact-Obviously, with the kids, we must have some
contact. However, I will not contact her to see if she's
changed her mind, if she misses me, to tell her I miss her,
etc. This is time for her and I to do some true soul
searching and reflect on life both with or without one another.

-The kids will be handled just as the would under her stipulations in the divorce. Though she hasn't signed or served anything, she has told me how custody will work. I, of course, will not agree or sign anything without having it explained to me by my lawyer. Not that I don't trust her, but I do not trust the legal system. There are lots of things I would be concerned with...for instance, how far are we allowed to move from one another? Can she just decide to move to California with my kids? I don't think she would do that, but life is tricky sometimes, and it's best to cover all your bases. But for now, I would agree that I would get the kids on such and such days, etc. I don't think there is a holiday in the near future of relevance, so that wont be an issue.

-Though I would think this would not have to be said, but since it's come up as a concern of hers, we will agree on what to tell the kids and will not waver from it. I will not speak anything negative of her or the situation, nor will I use the kids as "message bearers."

-During this time, we both need to find something we enjoy doing. This doesn't have to anything big or expensive, but it needs to be something enjoyable and completely free of our marriage. For instance, if I always wanted to go camping (which by the way, I haven't ) then this would be the time to do that. This time should be reflective, but it also should be a time to rediscover ourselves as well.

-I promise not to contact her friends or family to either plead my case or ask what they think of the situation. If any of them contact me, I will politely decline the conversation, as this is something between my wife an I and we each need our friends right now, and to hold such a conversation would violate that trust.

-Bills and debt will be divided just as she has stipulated in the proposed divorce. This in no way means that I agree to these stipulations, but I willing to abide by them during the time of the separation. During this time, I will also give her "child support."

-every couple of weeks or so, we will set aside a date that we will spend a day with the kids. We will spend that time as parents and help ease the kids through this transition.

-After the first month, we will set aside certain dates where we will spend time together without the kids. There will be limit as to how much time we can spend discussing the marriage/divorce/separation.


I had originally said 6 months. She postponed the divorce 3 months. If she is willing to do the separation, I would accept that we fulfill the remaining months of her agreed postponement with a option to extend it if need be.

I know that sounds really cold, but I really don't want her to give up. I want her to at least agree to the separation, but also would like her to open her mind to the possibility of reconciliation. In the way that I have set this up, all of her concerns have been addressed and there will be little difference between the divorce and the separation (except one keeps the door open, if only a crack). If she does not want to drag this out any longer, she really isn't as all I'm asking for is the time she already gave me. If after this time, she wants to extend it we can. If not, well the divorce process starts just as it would have anyway.

What do you think? I'm I setting myself up for disaster?

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