WAH2

[kassie]

is it possible to do the right thing and have it be the best thing for both of us? sometimes I think everyone is missing a point or maybe I am just trying too hard.

{{Pearl}}

If you were here to work things out, and he finally showed some progress, what happened to your goals? I am only asking because it seems to be a pattern here. No doubt that you are doing much better and happier. I am glad for you.

[JCJ]

Sounds like you did a really great job of not being drawn into a relationship talk... now keep up your strength and be consistant.

If he feels he needs to talk why don't you arrange a timed session when you can both do this.

[Tawnya]

{{{Kassie}}} sounds like you were really strong on that yesterday and sounds like he "said the right things" but yet you sensed that it wasn't "quite" what you were looking for, so good for you by not being moved by the words and really waiting for actions.

Now I can't answer for Pearl..but for me, I did come here with the intention of wanting my marriage saved, but, as I've gone on with this and hub has continued on his path, I've really taken a hard look at it and realized that we were really never that happy, at least nowhere near as much as we were unhappy with constantly fighting and things like that.

Of course every situation is different, but, as I've said before, the really AMAZING thing about this site to me is that everyone comes out of this sitch so much stronger, happier, and healthier and different whether their marriages are saved or not, because they save THEMSELVES!

Tawnya

[Startingover2]

Ditto what Tawnya said!!

I think we all came here for the same reason...to save our marriages. Some were saved and some weren't. But everyone comes out stronger.

[Ready2Change]

I am struggling with doing the right thing.

What do YOU believe is the right thing?

It's an old concept

What is an old concept?

and one that I feel people don't respect these days

Why do you feel they do not respect it?

most people don't support me with it really

What type of support are you looking for?

How do I know the difference?

Please elaborate...

[kassie]

I believe that M is a commitment. Just because it doesn't go the way I want it to go, or things change, or a serious problem is outted, and I experience unhappiness, does not mean I can give up and walk away. Whatever needs to be done to work things through is the job of a M.

I don't think people respect the idea of a long term commitment because look at the D rate in this country. Look at people's behavior and the reasons they end M.

I came here looking for support to go through whatever I need to do in order to be successful in maintaining the M. My H has serious problems, he refused help and put himself and others in danger and disrupted our household daily. So I asked for a separation to allow him time to accept his problems and need for help. He is doing that now. There is a long way to go yet.

I am lonely most of the time. I have doubts and am haunted by bad memories at times which when I talk about them seem to just make me feel worse. I need to heal, but I feel more confused than any other emotion. I have a full life but don't feel complete without my H. But at the same time, I am afraid of being hurt, I am afraid that things will not get better, I don't trust him, and don't feel that he can be there for me. It's a full plate in such a short time.

Does that explain things better?

[kassie]

{{{T}}}
You are so on the money,(do you read minds for a living)I told him that I d idn't want to talk. I did need to give him the bill for his car insurance to be paid. I wanted to be clear that there isn't anything else to say right now that either of us can hear.
Last weekend's talk showed me that his sobriety hasn't changed his need to control me, to force me to accept his ways of doing things, and that I am not ready to hold my own with him. I can be strong, but I noticed that I am feeling too hurt to be able to really listen to him nor am I trusting anything he says. Silva has pointed out how much he is still thinking selfishly and not acting in any way toward a reunification.

He couldn't even respect my request to not talk about the R at that point in time. Though I have to admit that I have noticed some changes - like he is listening more and not always talking over me, he recognizes his ill behavior immediately and apologizes, he is calmer when talking and stays calmer when I am not calm. He doesn't talk about D anymore, only about wanting to work things out at some point.

[Ready2Change]

Does that explain things better?

Much better thanks.

My 2 cents:

You can only control YOUR thoughts, words and actions. Set your intentions on continually working on YOU. Set your intentions on improving the R with H.

I believe that M is a commitment

This is a very good belief. Would you mind listing out your vows here?

Just because it doesn't go the way I want it to go, or things change, or a serious problem is outted, and I experience unhappiness, does not mean I can give up and walk away.

Good thought process.

Whatever needs to be done to work things through is the job of a M.

Right now patience,forgiveness,understanding....

I don't think people respect the idea of a long term commitment because look at the D rate in this country. Look at people's behavior and the reasons they end M.

Everyone is allowed to believe what they want. I choose my beliefs. You choose yours.....

I came here looking for support to go through whatever I need to do in order to be successful in maintaining the M.

Then that is what you are going to get. Ignore the things you believe are not supportive.....

My H has serious problems, he refused help and put himself and others in danger and disrupted our household daily. So I asked for a separation to allow him time to accept his problems and need for help. He is doing that now. There is a long way to go yet.

Be patient and kind.....

I am lonely most of the time.

GAL - you can interact with other people while commited to M. I am no longer lonely. I enjoy other people. I enjoy my time alone.

I have doubts and am haunted by bad memories at times which when I talk about them seem to just make me feel worse.

The past is history, the future is a mystery, but the present is a gift. Stay in the present. Turning off the voice in my head was wonderful. It is a lier and could drive me crazy if I let it. I chose to enjoy RIGHT NOW.

I need to heal, but I feel more confused than any other emotion.

Accepting my life the way it is right now saw very helpful. I never dreamed that we would seperate and D, but that is how it is. That does not mean it will always be that way.....

I have a full life but don't feel complete without my H.

When you feel complete (and happy) without H, you will be healed.

But at the same time, I am afraid of being hurt, I am afraid that things will not get better, I don't trust him, and don't feel that he can be there for me. It's a full plate in such a short time.

HUGS You have full control of things getting better. Drop the rope. Love him unconditionally. Forgive him. Let go of the control.



Sorry you are going through all this, but things will be OK! Be very patient and forgiving and kind. These things will get YOU to a good place. They will help the R.

[silvagod]

Kass,

You have been getting some fantastic support from people on here, I trust it has eased you mind. There is nothing I can really add that hasn't already been said. (apart from to reiterate what I told SO2, don't fall for the pity party stuff)

How's about that dance now?

[Tawnya]

{{{Kassie}}} yes I do read minds for a living AND I knew you were gonna ask me that LOLOL just kidding

How are you TODAY??

Tawnya