Today I heard a message from my H, following yesterday's request to meet up and talk. He actually said, I don't feel we solved anything and I would like to remedy that. That was a first. I feel guilt because i didn't want to talk to him. Today's message, sorry I think I should take back my offer to talk unless you have anything new to say, because I realized I don't and there isn't any point to going in circles. I am open to talk if you want.
I was sooooo relieved. I wanted to kiss him for letting me off the guilty hook. (but I didn't) When I saw him, I told him that I agreed with cancelling for the reasons stated. I appreciated the intent, but we are in different places. He then tried to go into so many things and I just kept politely saying I am sorry you feel that way, I hate to cut you off but, etc.
He first wanted me to know he had his ring back on. Said he didn't know why - I tried not to LOL believe it or not. I decided last week to get off that roller coaster and just do what I needed to do and let go of his actions - including choosing not to be hurt by them. Then he said that it was sad that we didn't have anything new to say to each other. I agreed. Next, now prepare yourselves for this one - he says that initially the separation was a good idea after all because it got him into tx. but he feels that prolonging the distance is hurting the R. He thinks we shouldn't do dark anymore (my words not his) I said I was sorry he felt that way. He went on to say that if it continues the R will be broken entirely and if that is how I feel then we should end it now - NOT that he wants to do that. I said (with all my restraint) we have different viewpoints on this one and I am sorry you see things that way. He tried to go on about loving me and wanting to be together and how much he realizes he hurt me - but... (it is always there)
Thank God I was being paged at this point so I had a reason to say I have to go.
I thought briefly about what he said walking away - again with the threats to leave - and enough of my reacting to it. I was ok either way. It didn't bother me until I got home tomight.
S is having problems and I had to talk to my exh - at one point I broke down with him about being alone, worrying about finances, and retirement etc. He said he thought my H was supporting me - I told hell NO. Then he said Oh, none of my business I didn't know you two were really apart. Sorry. For the first time in a long while he reassured me that S would be ok and figure things out - I didn't need to worry. Another first. Not that exh was much better than this one.
I guess I am detaching, facing reality, feeling that we really didn't have anything to build on - he didn't really do anything for me - I have really looked at that fact today and don't like it.
