Well, great! xBF's best friend will get to tell him what a complete idiot and fool he is, and that he should immediately throw himself off the nearest bridge!
Also, we'll watch for someone from your state to jump on here, and talk about how he found the book in a bookstore, and then POUNCE!
Alas, JD, xBF's best friend's only previous comment to him has been, "Dude, you can't mess around with someone at work. That's your job and you don't want it to get messy there."
Seriously.
No comment on not cheating (he is married and his wife is really pissed at xBF), no comment on not cheating on me and we were friends and former coworkers. That's how I met xBF. So I was/am pretty upset with him right now. And I think they're upset with me for calling him on it. But I would love to see my goddaughter. She's the closest I'm going to get to having one myself and I haven't seen her since last April. I have told them I would understand if they want to replace me as godmother but if it's up to me I want to stay in her life.
Sigh. This is the part I don't like.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Dance classes were great but when I got home I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness just out of the blue. I was taking the garbage out and looked at the house and the yard. We spent a lot of time working on the yard and repainting the fence last summer. I love this house. I love the idea of the life we were building here. I miss how we used to be together, how we used to have fun being silly.
Then I started to question if I'm doing the right thing by closing the door. I feel like I'm doing all the things that I couldn't understand xBF doing: walking away without even trying, assuming it can't be any better, taking the easy way out.
I know that he is still involved with OW and that nothing can or will happen until that is over. And that testing-the-waters email was not even close to what I need to know that he would be serious about working on the R.
But I never thought he would think twice about his decision to walk away and he has paused. Am I doing myself a disservice by swiftly moving forward and not giving it some more time?
I think I have become a WAS - I've been so caught up in the new life I have planned for myself that I will ignore what's going on with xBF. I'm so busy pursuing my activities and don't give a damn about how it affects him. And I feel justified doing it because he walked away first. But what will I do if he really makes an effort to come back?
And of course I sat down to watch tv to take my mind off things and last week's Private Practice was all about cheating spouses, choosing to work on your M v. walking away, taking responsibility and acting like an adult in a difficult family sitch. More crying.
Ultimately I know that our R was not built on a solid foundation. I will not settle for anything less than being with a best friend and true partner for life. Can I even have that with him? I don't think so but I'm not completely certain.
I can only admit these second thoughts here. All my other friends were overjoyed when I announced that I kicked him out of the house and decided to move on. They have all made if very clear that they expect me to follow that plan and will not be accepting or understanding if I do give the R another try. That's a lot of pressure in these moments of doubt. Because I know that I would need a lot of support in the piecing process and I wouldn't get it.
I'm already getting over it and am willing to chalk it up to one blue evening. The phrase that keeps running through the back of my head is, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Good thing I scheduled an IC session this week. I'll hash it out with him tomorrow and then see where I am.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
JD, looks like I will be seeing my goddaughter and her parents on Friday. Her mom emailed me back tonight and said they'd love to have me come over for a visit. So that will be interesting. There may be an uncomfortable convo about xBF and the current state of affairs (no pun intended) or they may just ignore the whole thing too. You're right, people today are just not willing to stand up for their morals. Sad.
On the bright side I get to go shopping for a cute almost-2-yr-old girl present!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
{{{{Pearl}}}} very brave of you to start hashing that out on here. It is an interesting thought and I was talking to a friend of mine who was having the same rethinking too..so it was definitely in the air for that. What I told her, which obviously is what you know too, give it some time, work through it (sounds like you will with IC anyway), and be okay with however you decide to proceed.
If those people are your TRUE friends..they will support you no matter what you decide to do!!
Fun shopping for a 2 yo girl..it is SO much easier than shopping for boy stuff..LOL
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Thought I'd be totally over it by this morning, but then there's more...
Morning email from xBF re: my comments to him about staying because it was easy:
I did say this, but this was one of the things that was untrue. I remember saying this during our counseling session - I'm not sure why I did, but I think it was because I being pushed for an answer. Actually, it was completely the opposite. During that time, it was hard on me with what you said about our love life, but I loved/love you and did not want to lose you and this is why I didn't push the issue back then - I was afraid you would leave and I didn't want that to happen. I honestly didn't realize how much it hurt and how much I was keeping buried inside until we started talking about it a few months ago.
I have a lot more to write about things and will, I just wanted to tell you this now.
I think he's referring to the time 5-6 years ago when he brought up our lackluster sex life and my response was "this is how I am, take it or leave it." I cringe when I think about being so unwilling to examine the problem or even admit it was me. I have apologized about this dozens of times since the bomb was dropped. I honestly didn't remember having the conversation but agree it does sound like something I would say. And not only did I agree now that we have/had a problem but I immediately took action to fix it. He said at that point it didn't matter, implying too little too late.
Still absolutely no mention of OW which means it has not ended. So why bother going through all this? He knows it is not acceptable and I have told him I would be willing to work through the other stuff ONLY after she is out of the picture.
Do they ever listen??
Just a few tears, I'm chalking them up to frustration and the music I'm listening to. (Tawnya - I love rock star's new cd! But he is famous for being melancholy.)
Last edited by pearlharbr; 02/25/0905:01 PM.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
{{{Pearl}}} yeah..I was thinking the music probably doesn't help..ok..so you need to get out some TUDE music..like Pink So What or something..or Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats OH and I found this new song that I have as my "irritated" song LOL..it's by Puddle of Mudd called "Blurry" So..really when I listen to it, I get more "irritation" than when I actually look at the lyrics LOL..but I just kind of stick with the "pain you gave to me, shoved it in my face" part LOL..but here they are:
Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake and everybody's empty and everything is so messed up pre-occupied without you I cannot live at all My whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone you could be my scene you know that i'll protect you from all of the obscene I wonder what you're doing imagine where you are there's oceans in between us but that's not very far
Can you take it all away can you take it all away well you shoved it in my face this pain you gave to me Can you take it all away can you take it all away well you shoved it my face
Everyone is changing there's noone left that's real to make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel cause I am lost without you I cannot live at all my whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone you could be my scene you know that i will save you from all of the unclean I wonder what you're doing I wonder where you are There's oceans in between us but that's not very far
[Chorus]
Nobody told me what you thought nobody told me what to say everyone showed you where to turn told you when to runaway nobody told you where to hide nobody told you what to say everyone showed you where to turn showed you when to runaway
[Chorus]
This pain you gave to me
You take it all You take it all away... This pain you gave to me You take it all away This pain you gave to me Take it all away This pain you gave to me
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Oddly enough, his music usually doesn't bother me at all, even the most heartwrenching songs. I think I've been listening to them for so many years the sentiment just doesn't affect me. But since these songs are new I'm not as used to them yet.
I put Pink on my phone for just that reason but then the rest of the cd is about her breakup and some of those songs really got to me. I blast that Carrie Underwood song every time I hear it. xBF is lucky that's all I do since his '69 Mustang fastback is sitting in the garage...
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
LOLOL..Pearl..I said to my son one night when that song was on the radio that "dad should be glad I don't subscribe to the Carrie Underwood" way to handle this situation LOLOL..my hub LOVES his Durango and does have leather seats
Somehow thinking of carving my name did have a good thought to it LOLOLOL..just kidding O:)
Yeah..that "pain you gave to me, shove it in my face" is my new ring tone instead of my sweet one I had put on there a few months ago
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
