Over the last month or so, I have been arriving at a different stage of forgiveness. I arrived at the decision to approach my X one more time and both seek and express forgiveness. Though I was not unfaithful, abusive or a "bad" husband by any stretch of the imagination, in my own understanding of what a christian husband should be, I fell short.
So in that regard, I chose to approach X one final time, a request for forgiveness and visa versa and decided to do so today, on my anniversary.
In my own way I was also forgiving her BUT rather than stir the pot and say "I FORGIVE YOU" wisdom directed me to word the email as I did.
I feel free, I feel a peace. While composing the text, i purposely played a mix of music that I would previously avoid listening to, music that we listen to in the early stages of our marriage INCLUDING the song we played for our first dance at our wedding.
I now choose to look at certain dates, the anniversary of both the wedding and divorce, valentines day, her birthdate etc, as dates for celebration of my new life, a very rich and rewarding life centered on my relationship with God and my children.
What follows is that email and her response:
Quote:
X;
I felt the Lord strongly directing me to write this note to you on this day.
He has shown me so much over the last few years, shown me all the work He wants to do to change me, to mold me more into His image (it will be a lifelong process).
He has also shown me areas in our marriage where I failed. Boy has He shown me those areas.
I have asked Him to forgive me and now I come to you and ask the same. Please forgive me for all things, big and small. I am sorry for every hurt I caused you. I asked this of you before but as I see more of how much hurt you experienced, I needed to approach you again. We are both now living in the present and this is the good news but again, please forgive me.
In this writing this, I also wanted to share with you that I have taken the hurt I have experienced and given it over to the Lord and He has done the healing that needed to be done. Praise God!
Moving forward, I choose to focus on the good and the things God wants me to take away from the marriage. There are so many special memories that I will always cherish. Of course the fruit of the marriage, our children, are the greatest blessing we could have ever hoped for.
I do keep you, Mr. X (formerly OM) and your marriage in my prayers on an ongoing basis and I do appreciate you prayers for me. It is the Lord's desire that each of us grows ever closer to Him all the days of our lives and so that is my prayer for each of us.
I have also been praying for a special blessing for you at the women's retreat. I can't even imagine how awesome it is going to be!
As my sister in Christ, as your brother in Christ, I feel comfortable in telling you, I love you.
Happy February 24th.
C2H
X's response
Quote:
Nothing at this point to forgive -- I only wish His blessings to flow on you. Thank you ~ X
As a side note, X accidently sent me several attempted responses as she changed them. She deleted her first responses which started out "I have definitely forgiven..." I guess after she thought about it, she realized that I was fautless in her eyes (yeah right!)
The timeline: It has been 31 months since she moved out and I realized she was in an EA possible PA. A long time for some things, not very long for healing from betrayal and for that I thank God and give lots of people around here kudos for their counsel and comfort.
Of course, a GREAT thanks goes out to Michele for her work, her books and for hosting the forums including this one for those of us who mostly wound up with unwanted divorces. Many people are doing very well because of this community and their healing has been accelerated because this site exists.
Thanks Michele!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
