My last post said "he does have a tummy, which I don't even see, but others would"....I wanted to expand on this....
When I first met Mr. DQ, I was attracted to him, but not on the animal level I am now. After we had dated for a while and had been making out a lot, I began to become more attracted to him. THEN...the first time we really got into bed together and I truly saw him fully naked walking around the house after wards....well that was the first time I had to stand back and go "hm....yes I am attracted to him, but not so much that it is that big of a deal...I like him a lot though....so I will continue to give this a chance".
What happened after that was all very surreal to me....
As I said above, he has a tummy. But...he does not see this in himself. He basically is so confident that he sees himself "as if" he is in the best shape of his life. He sees himself the same as he saw himself in his early 20's....he looks right past his own flaws and only sees the "good stuff".
As I got to know him better, I had to really understand this about him. I actually expected him to be like other people and be insecure about his tummy! I didn't realize that there would be any other way to see it!
But I learned a lot during that time. I learned that you are allowed to see yourself anyway you choose. You can be insecure and look like a super model, or you can look like John Candy and feel like a super model! Its up to you to decide how you see yourself.
So then what happened was....
As we fell deeper in love, and as he made ME more secure about myself (because he sees me the same way he sees himself....he looks right past my flaws and only sees the "good stuff"...he sees me "as if" I am still perfect, young, no stretch marks, etc. which is far from the truth, but he has made his vision of me into reality for both of us)...and as he helped me experience more and more emotional and physical intimacy in a fun and safe setting....well something amazing happened. One day I saw him strutting along totally naked, and *I* didn't see his tummy either. I only saw his good stuff, and his flaws disappeared....
I know now that this was because he projected his confidence so completely and with so much authenticity that it literally changed the way I saw him.
In the beginning, I almost kind of felt that he was being c*ocky by feeling so sure of his attractiveness that he expected others (ie: me) to be that attracted to him, too. But over time I realized that my own head was pretty messed up in this area, and I have grown a lot since then.
Now I get that he wasn't being c*ocky but just simply confident, and if I had not been attracted to him, he would have been fine with that....but he would have of course, ditched me in pursuit of a partner who did find him attractive.
I can't even really bring back any of the old thoughts I had because they have changed so much since then!
Anyway Baggy...I was thinking these thoughts in response to you saying how your wife felt one way about herself, but that she accepts and appreciates that YOU find her immensely attractive. It is so amazing how we see each other, ourselves, our spouses...and none of it is really "true"...it is all about perspective and emotions clouding how we "see"....
