PM Thread #4

[Can it work]

PM, I've just written a gargantuan post on my own thread and I'm planning on going to sleep soon. I just thought I'd check in on you though and saw that you asked me a question about explaining what you could to change the mind of a 'Nice Guy' if he'd tried everything in the past to please you but not succeded.

In a way, that's a hard question for me to answer because in my sitch I'm the nice guy who isn't willing to give up just yet. Down the line, I may be in a position where my W wants me back but I've moved on. Who knows?

I'll tell you what I can. The way I found out about Divorce Busting and this site was from MWD's book on sex starved marriages. Initially I thought that the only problem in my marriage was that we'd stopped being intimate. I tried everything I could to initiate it and try and get my W interested again but nothing seemed to work. Even non sexual affection was being initiated by me. If my W hadn't decided she didn't love me and things had remained like that between us, I think I may even have ended up leaving myself eventually. It would have taken me a lot longer than it took her though. I just didn't feel loved any more. I'm the kind of person who needs hugs and to hold hands to feel loved. My W used to be and it hurt me when she changed. That's why I started trying to improve our situation. Unfotunately though, I didn't get right to the root of the problem soon enough. I never realised how bad things had become.

Fast forward to now though and if my W asked if we could give it another shot, I would have to tread very cautiously. I'd need to be sure in my mind that my W was willing to give me those things that I need to feel loved and I would have to believe that she meant them. In that respect she would need to change. I would also be willing to change whatever I could to make her happier in the M. It sounds to me that you've already made a load of changes which have made you in to the wonderful person you are today. To be honest though, the one thing I think it's going to take for your H to wake up and see those changes is to get rid of the OW. When she's out of the picture I think he may start to notice those changes even more. I still believe by showing him how wonderful family life can be through your children, you have a good chance of outshining the OW.

I realise that this probably isn't too much of a help to you but I promise you I'll think some more about it and try to see if I can come up with something better.

Kev