My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

Hey there folks. So much to reply to but I'll do my best to answer you all. Firstly PM, I agee with your two choices although I'm not sure at the moment which one to opt for. I really must call a DB coach anyway but things are so much up in the air now that I seem to be struggling to get round to it. I guess it's still the procrastinator in me shining through. I am tempted to just let her live her life for a while though and wait it out a bit. I think it's always going to be something she needs to get out of her system no matter how things turn out between us. If she doesn't do it now and comes back home, I can see this same thing happening again in a few years time. She has to learn that the grass isn't always greener. Obviously, this is a gamble for me because it may just turn out that the grass is greener. There wouldn't be a lot I could do about it then. At that point I guess I'd just have to accept the fact it was over and move on. I agree with what you say about your ring too PM. It's only a thing whereas the feelings I have for my W are still very much real. I like the idea of the symbolic gesture of putting the ring back on when things work out.

Sandi, thank you for your concern. I'm at a place right now where I can definitely see how my GALing may be seen as a competition for my W to better me. The problem where we live is that both our individual groups of friends like to go out to these places. To socialise and GAL, we end up tagging along. I know my boundaries where going out is concerned. I don't drink too much any more at all when I'm out. Not because I'm afraid I'll do something I regret but because I know I'll just end up spilling my heart about how miserable I am to whoever will listen!! Not an attractive thing for anyone to hear. Because we live in such a small community, there's every chance that the person I spill my heart to is very likely to be a friend of my W's. Again, not a good thing to do when I know it will get reported back. There's no point in acting 'as if' with my W and then have her find out that it is just an act when she talks to her friends. To that end, I do set myself these boundaries about how much I drink and how sensible I am. On the other hand, I have no idea if my W is likely to set herself any boundaries at all. She was a terrible flirt when we were still together so I just don't see how us being separated is going to help with that at all. It may reduce her boundaries if anything. Now, I know that I'm going to have to deal with that at some point in all likelihood but I also know it's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. As a very wise woman once told me though, "What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger." A sentiment that I'll probably have to put to the test before too long if my W has decided to get back in to her social life at the deep end.

And Saffie, thank you for sticking up for me although I could completely understand what Sandi was talking about too. It amazes me sometimes that nobody on these boards is a professional counsellor. The advice always seems so good and I thank my lucky stars every day that I found it when I did. If I didn't I'm certain that I'd be in a much darker place than I am now. As for going dark with my W Saffie, I think I already am doing what you've suggested to a certain extent. The communication about anything other than Wee Man is pretty much non-existant. The only problem I have with it is that it seems to me that I'm finding it a lot harder than my W right now. That could just be because she still has constant company while living with parents but I'm on my own. She moves in to her own house next weekend so that may change. She still has loads of very close friends though so I don't imagine they'll be too far away any time she's feeling a bit lonely. Unfortunately for me, my old job had me travelling the world for 12 years after I left school and I lost ontact with so many of my friends. I have been trying to rectify that recently in the pursuit of GAL but it's a slow process.

I do completely understand and agree, as I said to PM, that I think I need to let my W go and live for a bit. Best case scenario, it's exactly what she needs to get out of her system to learn to appreciate our M. Worst case scenario, she finds someone else she feels more comfortable with than me. I've discovered as I'm sure many people on here have that it's much harder to get someone to fall back in love with you than it is to make them love you in the first place. There's a lot of bad blood to overcome. So, I'm probably going to accept your advice Saffie and let things settle for a bit and review it after some time. You're not kidding when you say things have been moving quickly since I started visiting this site. It's hard to believe that I only found this site in October last year when my W and I had just had a bit of a falling out! It's been a whirlwind of emotion since then.

I'll just give a quick update now of how things are going. I'm lying in bed typing this right now and will need to get off to sleep soon. My wee angel is in his nursery next door to me and it feels so good as always to have him here with me. When I picked him up my W seemed more cheery than usual but I'm not even going to bother wasting the energy on trying to analyse why that may be. I've has a tough couple of days emotionally although I don't know why. I know we all have our ups and downs but these last two days have been awful. I've just been feeling so much more lonely than usual and really quite down. I'm hoping this weekend with my sister and my niece will be exactly what I need to charge my batteries though. I'm going away on Friday but I've also taken Thursday off work so I can spend the whole day with Wee Man before I go away. I'm really looking forward to that too.

Anyhoo, I'll go now and get some sleep. No doubt I'll be up in the middle of the night to give Wee Man a bottle. I'm hoping my mood is more positive tomorrow. I hate feeling this way when I know I've been making good progress. It just seems to set everything back to a point where I don't want to be. Good night though everyone. I'll report in again tomorrow to let you know how I'm doing.