Well, that interaction w/ MIL may serve me better than I thought! It looks like OM is over to visit MIL. I had something to drop off, and it looks like his car is there - at least what the kids have described.
MIL gets to contrast me with a guy with long floppy dyed-black hair, very quirky/backwards/shy, 9 tattoos, serial-killer glasses. Hee hee, I couldn't have asked for a better match-up! I'm not exactly ultra-conservative, but he is sort of out-there, and MIL is pretty conservative.
I called to say good night to kids, and S6 asked me, "Guess who's here?" My heart sort of sunk - but then he said, "Grammy!" I just said, "I know, silly!"
This was a good experience, though. I think W is being knee jerk reactive - I can't be certain he is there, but I'm sort of hoping... When I texted I was going to make the drop off, W said, "OK, thanks" and she is SUPER careful about scheduling when I'm not around. She also texted me several times right after I called the kids - asking about school, etc, which she ordinarily never does - let alone when he's around.
I'm not going to take anything away, honestly - it's silly to read into a situation that you completely have no idea what is going on, or what is said, or what the reaction is going to be. I may found it WASN'T him and feel stupid.
Mostly just journaling my thoughts - kids will fill me in on the details this Friday. Hopefully, I can throw it into my decision pile.
Yup, I guess it's being so close to dropping the whole thing, and finally seeing what is probably the last nail in the coffin - as Silva said to me - "Putting ink to paper to take out a huge part of your life is not easy."
I've always said that W could at least do BETTER than me, and then it would give SOME sort of reason, but geez!
I would absolutely ship it right back - I would keep it no longer than 4-5 years. But I guess I'll go in and use my nail sink to tap in each individual nail... Poor me.
Well, now I feel sort of stupid. I just remembered that there is a car just like OM's that is there. I hope I'm not an idiot!
Anyway, OK, so I'm mentally composing some sort of "Dear John" letter to W for the end of the month. I do feel like there needs to be some sort of closure - I hope I will have a revelation in the next few days.
------------------------------------------------------ W, I wanted to follow up with you on our dissolution chat. I provided you with the information you asked for, but still haven't heard anything from you on the information I requested. I'm unsure as to what the delay is; it has been two weeks since I asked you for just a few simple things.
I have offered to pay for the dissolution processing costs, and it is not a time-consuming process. It has been a month and a half since we first started discussing things, and I've received nothing from you except for a few vague questions.
I also want you to know that I do not want our marriage and family to end. I do not want a dissolution. I am only accepting one because I feel like I need to be a moral example to our children: in the face of an affair, and your unwillingness to work on our marriage and relationship.
I will leave this option open - if you will end the affair, I would be willing for us to be together as a family. I do not have answers for what you and I would do as far as "being friends", but I know how happy it makes the kids when we are together as a family, and I would be OK with just starting with that.
I would appreciate an update.
Thanks, Me --------------------------------------------------
Here is what I want to get across - three points: 1. I am absolutely willing and ready to end the relationship to do the "right thing" - I have told her before that I'm ready to move on. 2. Reiterate that dissolution/divorce is not my choice, it is HERS and I'm just along for the ride 3. Provide her with an option to make things right - but be firm that I won't do anything as long as there is an affair. I specifically tried to be vague about our relationship - I don't want to push across any expectations - so maybe I should leave it out. I also don't want her to think that this month of going dark has been a trick - so my instinct right now is to continue it for some period of time after sending this email.
I feel like I need to say something at the end of my week - but I want it to be a situation where I simply confirm for her that she needs to make a move.
Of course, there is a part of me that is fearful that she will simply respond and say she almost has paperwork ready, but that's what I'm preparing for now.
Feel free to 2x4 away - this is like a draft of a draft of a thought.
I think your draft addresses the issues, I would soften some of the wording per DBing. But what is your goal? These statements should reflect a consistent message. You want to know if she is closer to a decision to either work on the marriage or end it.
If you want her back then tell her what you want, don't be defensive about why or what or how. A simple, this is what I want should do.
you also need to be certain that you will either wait or not wait. NO explanation needed. She left you, you are generous and loving enough, mature enough to work through her betrayal and the problems that led up to it.
Don't leave anything unclear - if you know what you want - put it out there, if you are still trying to figure it out - wait until you are certain. I personally think you are trying to control her into coming back and I know that is what you want to see happen, but you don't want it this way. This is where the honesty comes to play, do you want her back or not? Don't play games. If she isn't ready, and you do want her back, you have to wait. If you don't want her back, let her go. Keep it simple.
{{{JD}}} kudos to you for working thru that and typing that out there! I am a terrible 2 x 4 girl (LOL) and definitely on wording things like that I know someone will come along with some great answers for ways to put things. I think, as far as getting your points across, you did great on that.
I guess..like you said, the question would remain, are you READY for the answer, whatever it may be?! Tough I know..but only then I think would you be ready to really send it..
Hope you have some good plans for today!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I like the letter...send it. It puts the ball back in her court with your boundaries.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
