A thought occured to me this weekend about basic attraction, and how between Mr.DQ and myself there is a very strong amount of physical attraction that never wanes...and that made me think about how, if I was not so physically attracted to him, I don't know if my body would respond sexually so well...not sure how to put this right but, if you love your spouse, and you are attracted to them *but* they are becoming less attractive to you for emotional or physical reasons, then will you have a hard time responding to them in bed? I guess I was just wondering this because I had the thought that if I wasn't so attracted to him, I might not want sex so much....I have no way to test this theory....hm.....
My observation is this: when the REST of the relationship is on track and you are truly in love and happy with your mate, their physical appearance is not as important to you -- you can get turned on by the sight if them even if they aren't in 'optimal' shape, dress, or grooming state. On the other hand, if there are problems in the rest of the relationship, then faults in their appearance will bother you more -- it's just one more thing wrong with them that they need to fix before you can turn on to them.
In my own case, I've observed that as the years go by and my wife has gained some weight in middle-age, my own desired body type (what I desire in a woman) tends to shift towards where she currently is. We already discussed my love of exagerated curves in the past, and as she grows older she just gets curvier...it becomes win-win for both of us. She doesn't like the weight gain as far as how she looks to herself or others (she continues to have body-image issues), BUT she knows how she looks in my eyes, and truly appreciates it.
I suspect, perhaps, that you dancing / fitness 'freaks' who work so hard to stay in shape at all times, will put more stock in physical apperance and staying in-shape, such that each of you will be carefully monitoring yourselves and each other keep that physical attraction optimal. If one of you had to severely back off from working out so much for medical reasons or some such, however, I would hope that my above observation will still apply: that if the relationship itself is healty, physical appearance might not be as important as you think -- your mind's eye will make the necessary adjustments for the flame to keep on burnin'.
Love is blind, as the saying goes.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
