NikB #33 Keep on Keepin On...

[NikB]

Thanks Michelle and ST. I just feel so bad for him.

ST - no, haven't given him the book. I'm not sure I will, actually. I know that sounds surprising... but he is VERY touchy about the "self help book" subject. My Dad is constantly trying to force stuff on him (and has since he was in his teens), and it's made him very defensive (not quite the right word but I can't think of what to call it). His attitude is "yeah you've been in counseling your whole life and read every self help book ever written and it didn't do you any good, why bother wasting the time and money." He's more receptive to the idea from his friends and he's warming up to the IC idea though. I think he's starting to see that it is helpful for some people, my Dad's just got really major chemical imbalance issues.

Also, I think (at least so far) that this is a deal-breaker for him. I don't think he WANTS to "bust" the D. I know that the book is about far more than that, but I think it's maybe not quite the right fit for him since the focus is on saving the M. If he gets to a point of wanting to save it or even consider it, I will suggest it (gently!) to him.

The call on Friday was literally the first time he had reached out to me by any means other than short emails, so there was no question on the party vs. talking to him. I will keep that in mind, though. Thanks ST.

He kicked her out, actually, and she's living on a friend's couch. And yes, that actually is progress for himself. Instead of being passive he took a stand, and he did what he needed to do for himself. I'm proud of him for that. He is also reaching out to more family and friends, so that's good. He spent Valentine's weekend out of town visiting old friends, and this weekend he's joining my Dad for a hike (progress for both of them as it means Dad's finally getting out more too!).

I am just so heartbroken for him, especially about the baby. He's 32 - it's not exactly the best age to have not even met the mother of your child yet, you know? Well, unless the baby ends up being his and she doesn't abort it - they don't know whose it is yet and I have a feeling she may get an abortion before she's even far enough along to find out. He's trying to get her to at least wait until a few MC sessions. We'll see. Sadly I don't think he has realized yet that he has no say, even if it is his, so I know that will hit him hard too if she goes through with it. Assuming the child doesn't end up being born or being his, I think about the years of healing he has ahead, then the time to meet someone and build an R... then decide to have kids... it's just tough.

He's always wanted so much to be a Dad and they kept waiting for the "right time", then finally last fall decided there's no "right time" so they should just go for it. And now it's turned into this.

You don't get that first "I'm gonna be a Dad!" moment back and she destroyed it. I am sure at some point I will be able to forgive her but at the moment I absolutely hate her for that. I am even more glad now than I was before that I kept so much of the details in my sitch from my family. Reconciling is hard enough - this would have made it a thousand times harder.

Anyway...bleh... sorry for all the negativity! I had to get it out somewhere and it's been extremely hard not to get into a downward spiral talking about it with my parents. I figure it's better here.

In positive news...I got out of work before it was dark yesterday. Yay! Things are looking up on the work front, for sure. That will resolve a lot of things all by itself - having some time to myself and having my stress level go way down. So I'm glad for that.

Thanks for being here, friends.