I'd really encourage you to have regular orgasms, at least several times a week, with and without H. During sex with H, or more likely before and/or after IC, you should almost always have an O. And, if you don't already own one, buy an eroscillator.
The more *satisfying* sex you have, the more you will want it. I doubt many men would be interested in sex if they did not experience orgasms as a result. Women are no different. Once you aren't desparate, sex becomes rather tedious if it is one-sided.
Going through the motions sex isn't going to be good for anyone. Own your sexual satisfaction and make sure it happens. And, by all means, if you have been faking Os, stop immediately and come clean with H.
I don't fake them. I'm sure H knows that things aren't all that great in the bedroom for me right now, we just haven't discussed it. Lots of other stuff going on. I think my best bet is to just try to correct the issue from my end if I can. He's also told me more than once that it's always better for him when I'm enjoying it as well.
I know the more I do it & the more satisfying it is for me, the more I will want to do it, it's just I'm kind of back to the "I just want to go to sleep" mind frame, which I obviously need to get out of in order to fix the problem.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yikes, and here I was thinking that I was having these feelings, because I am a woman in my sexual prime !!!
Nope, not just you! I could not get enough when we were going through our D sitch! I wanted it CONSTANTLY!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yikes, and here I was thinking that I was having these feelings, because I am a woman in my sexual prime !!!
Nope, not just you! I could not get enough when we were going through our D sitch! I wanted it CONSTANTLY!
Yep know the feeling !!! I'm afraid I even went so far as to find myself a 'one night stand' just to satisfy my need for it....of course it wasn't the same..and I was careless. But lesson learnt and wiser now.
Hope things start looking up for you soon !! Try what OT is telling you, I know I've kept that up too and it helps me to feel like woman !!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I don't trust him. I don't know if I'll ever trust him. I don't know why I seem to be dredging up the past and dwelling on it. It pisses me off sometimes what he did, what he said to me. It all hurts so damn badly and sometimes it pisses me off that I actually am married to a person who did that to me, who actually could say those hateful things to me and yet I sat there & tried to save my marriage. Yeah, I succeeded, but at what cost to myself & my self-worth & pride, etc.
Checking his cell phone, he had a call & has someone named "Faith" saved. No woman at work is named Faith. Tried to be sly about it & figure out who she is. Don't want to just bust out w/ "Who's Faith" b/c if it is totally innocent, that would be a crappy deal then.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well, on the sex thing--it has been----hmmmmmmm 14 months and counting for me. Man are my fingers crossed for homecoming!
I do not know what to tell you on the trust issue, as I am not even close to being there yet--at least not from what I can see. However, I have given all of it over to God and i have faith that He will walk me through that landmine, as well, when the time comes. I need to re-read your sitch. Is your H totally transparent? does he let you look at his cellphone unguarded? What about his emails? I realize that that is only a snapshot of his life, but it is something.
I do know, though, at some point, you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. It is the only way you can completely heal. I have been dealing with this in a study at church. Being able to bring up crap from the past--family issues, relationship issues, the OW--and letting them go with forgiveness has really helped me mentally over the past month. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself--it is not hokey, it is fact.
Also, have you read Love and Respect? IT definitely has helped me understand some of the dynamics issues in my marriage over the years.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
" Don't want to just bust out w/ "Who's Faith" b/c if it is totally innocent, that would be a crappy deal then. "
Why would that be crappy? H cheated and lied to you. If he wants to stay in the M, doesn't he need to earn your trust? I'd think it quite reasonable for you to require total transparency.
If anything, he should be expected to say something like, "Hey Sweetie, just wanted to let you know that I added a new contact to my phone named Faith from XYZ." Why is he not taking steps to encourage your trust and to help you feel safe and comfortable with him?
Have you tried being honest and direct with H: "I am still very angry and hurt. I feel like an idiot. I feel betrayed and used, degraded. I feel like I have not been able to express that. I would like you to show me your remorse, to apologize, and to reassure me."
Beyond that, you probably know as well as anyone else here -- if you are genuinely suspicious, rather than feeling needy and insecure, there is probably a reason.
Well, I guess since it's been 2 yrs now since the whole D bomb thing, I feel like I need to let it go. I know how guys are compared to us. I know he doesn't understand why it isn't dead & gone like it is for him.
I think I'm just having a "bad spell" in that for some reason I'm am thinking about all of the bad stuff. I don't do this often. Maybe this is just how it is. Every once in awhile, it comes to the forefront again. Don't know . . .
However, like I said, I don't know if I will ever be able to completely trust him again no matter what he does. Forgiving & forgetting are 2 different things.
I'm not feeling needy & insecure. I've learned a lot in the past 2 yrs and part of that is that I would be just fine w/o him if it came to that.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
