I get what you're saying WDID.

The laptop thing concerns me also. The way she's up and down so much makes me almost certain that there's some contact. It's like she has some feelings for me, and that scares her so she contacts OM just to justify her feelings, is down for a number of days because of that, starts to come around, we have some great days, she recognizes she has feelings for me, contacts him, it's groundhog day all over again.

So, what does DB say about that? Do I confront her about it? Or do I keep doing what I'm doing, showing her how we can be, what kind of guy I am and let her figure it out on her own? Thing is, if she's NOT talking to OM, but it's just her struggling with the gravity of the situation, then me accusing her of talking to OM will push her farther away. If she is talking to him on an infrequent basis, does she eventually figure it out?

I was talking to S16 last night. Asked him if he was ok if I took his mother to Fla in May. He looked at me and said "one last try huh?" Man is he smart.

Thing is, if I confront her right now, what's going to change in my path forward? My transfer back won't happen for at least 6 months, so if she came right out and said she's talking to OM, what recourse would I have? Can't afford where I'm living without her income. If we sold it on our own, we'd probably have to file bankruptcy because we'd not be able to get what we even owe on the thing. So we'd pretty much be living an in house separation, and I don't think that would accomplish anything except ensure our divorce. Right now we're doing things together, having fun when we go out of town, etc. So if I can stuff my feelings down and just LOVE her without expectations, when the time comes for the transfer, it'll be push time.

I didn't post about last night. She got home from work, I'd started dinner, we ate, went grocery shopping, had a good time doing it, S16 came home from an event at the school and was telling us about it and I caught her looking at me a couple times like, it's hard to explain, but looking at me like she was thinking about us.

I'll tell another story from last Friday night. Kind of shows what her personality is like. We got out of the car at the hotel and I always linger in the car until she gets out so I can lock the doors. It takes her longer to get out by the time she gets her purse around and stuff, but I go to get out, linger until she gets out, I lock the door and she says "I KNOW HOW TO LOCK A CAR DOOR". I asked her where that came from and she replied "It's like you don't think I know how to lock a car".

Now I never have come close to thinking that, but it seems like in her mind she thinks I don't think she can. And that would make sense why the A and OM were so attractive. She was doing things for herself. Like driving to another state by herself to be with him.

So if I push her on this, does it send the message I don't think she can figure it out on her own? Do I even want her back if it's forced in any way? Wouldn't our future be better if she figures it out on her own, given that she seems to feel like I think she can't do things on her own?

I can see how she would feel that way in our marriage. Not because I really think that, but because I used to do everything. I firmly believe, because I took care of everything, she thinks I don't think she is capable. So wouldn't it be best for me to let her figure this out on her own?

Lots to ponder. I know I need to get back to my logical self. When I think things through logically, I have more patience. When we have a really good stretch, I get these darn expectations and that sets my emotions a racin and then I'm disappointed when it's not as fast as I'd like.


Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.