One of these days I'll learn how to copy quotes...but, anyway.....when I said: "She thinks love is that fantasy love feeling. She's waiting for something like that to come. You think that she should just do these basic loving things that you have asked for. You are waiting for that to come."

I meant that both of you are wanting things to "just happen" without communication about it. You both think that each other should just know what to do and do it, end of story. Not taking into consideration there are feelings/stubborness/family history, etc. all involved.

Then I said, "I hear you as the one that hasn't made the choice yet. But, having you be the only one writing on the forums, I'm basing that just on your posts."

I said that because you keep saying you don't care one way or the other, that you feel like you are becoming the WAH, that you have Plan B always in the background, etc.


Now, I'll comment on what you said: "You said she's chosen to love me, but wouldn't you think that if that was the case, she'd do just a few small things that show me that? She knows how I feel about that stupid glass and those stupid undies, but she still keeps them."

Yes, you would think she would, but she is stubborn...you've said that...she has history you talked about....she has walls....big ones........

"And I'm confused by your comment that it seems like I haven't made my choice yet? I made my choice a long time ago. That's why I'm still here. But if she doesn't have ANY feelings like I do, why am I wasting my time?"

You are NOT wasting your time. It is NEVER wasting your time to save your marriage and your family. If you lose it, THAT would be a waste. I truly believe she has feelings like you do, but she is who she is...she hasn't read/learned about what love really is, and she is going to have to learn to show you the way you need to be shown. I'm sure at one time in your marriage she said, "If Hope truly loved me, he would be doing x, y, and z. OM does x, y, and z. He must love me." What I'm saying is that you both need to work at showing love the way you need it, and choosing it. She needs to work on it way more than you.

NOw.................if she is contacting OM, then I may change my advice and thoughts. If she is contacting him, I wouldn't be able to trust all that she is doing and understand it. But, all the more reason to talk to her and ask her to read the book because you NEED her to, go to Retrouvaille, etc. Talk about your mistrust of her at work......tell her you need her to reassure you. If she balks at that....she is still contacting him. Any wife that wants to repair her marriage, and is no longer contacting the OM, would do anything her H needs. She may need to talk it out, but in the end she will do what her H needs because she is the one that had the affair.

Don't email your thoughts to her, when the time comes. You guys need to sit and talk and not have other distractions around.

The laptop thing worries me. She's hiding something, Hope.