Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

She thinks love is that fantasy love feeling. She's waiting for something like that to come. You think that she should just do these basic loving things that you have asked for. You are waiting for that to come.

I hear you as the one that hasn't made the choice yet. But, having you be the only one writing on the forums, I'm basing that just on your posts.

Help me out with these two quotes WDID. Not sure I get what you're saying.

You said she's chosen to love me, but wouldn't you think that if that was the case, she'd do just a few small things that show me that? She knows how I feel about that stupid glass and those stupid undies, but she still keeps them.

And I'm confused by your comment that it seems like I haven't made my choice yet? I made my choice a long time ago. That's why I'm still here. But if she doesn't have ANY feelings like I do, why am I wasting my time?

I've been thinking a lot the last couple days, and I firmly believe she's still talking to OM on an infrequent basis. I'm sure it's just "hi, how ya doin" kind of stuff, but her mood swings are just so severe and she's so different on the weekends vs. when she's working, it's just amazing. What's the common theme? At work she can talk to him without me knowing. Or those reminders of him while she's at work. It's almost like she goes into a mini WD for periods of time. She'll go a few days to a week pretty down, then we'll start connecting and things will be good for a week or so and then BAM! depressed and distant again.

I hope I'm wrong and she's just figuring this stuff out in her head, which may be true, because if there's nothing to remind her of the A, she seems to be fine. Like when we go out of town or when she's off work for longer than a weekend. And when she's had a couple of drinks. When she has those drinks it's like she lets herself go and is REAL with me, but when she returns to work for a few days, then the distance comes back.

Another thing. She brings her laptop home some nights and sits with it. Sometimes she'll set it down and leave the room without locking the thing. Then other times she'll set it down and lock it before she's gone from the room for only a minute or so. Why would she do that? Makes me think she's had an email or something from OM and doesn't want me looking. Happened this way in the past couple weeks. Two weeks ago she was bringing it home every night because she had so much work to do. And she was leaving it set without locking it and we were really connecting. Last night she brings it home and was very secretive with it. Locked it a couple times when she left the room. Kind of coincides with her being distant for the last 5 days or so. But also coincides with our discussion about my triggers. So did our discussion about my triggers "trigger" something in her and she contacted OM last Friday? Cause she sure was different Friday when she got home from work.

And one other thing. She's back to her old job and I know she's not nearly as busy as she was in her Temp assignment. She's also back to the building that she and OM worked in. If she's not as busy and she's in that building, I can see her sitting there thinking about him, and logically, contact being made. How do I combat that?

I guess if I look at it on a whole, she's getting better. I see her trying, but there's something blocking her from making that final step. Is it guilt? Or is it going for a period of time with NC and her feeling things for me, but then that pull is so strong she needs a hit so she contacts OM and it starts all over again?

I hear what you're saying about communicating. I'll think about what you've said.